CLASSIC: Stories from lads holidays.

[zuc82]

Magaluf couple of years ago - me and my mate had managed to end up with some cash left over on the last night, went down to the brothel half way up the strip but it was just closing. We were adamant we were going in and in the end got chased out with bats and various other weapons by the heavies in there. Not disheartened and still completely bladdered, we went for a quick all you can eat chinese buffet that was still open strangely, it was now light and about 6am. As we sat down for our crispy friend mice and whatever else was in this horror show of a buffet and a couple of those african street prossies waltzed past. It was one of those classic moments when you just look at eachother say nothing but know exactly what your gonna do. We approached these ropey braided hair beasts and proceeded to go up to their 'spot' on the side of the hill up the strip, which was absolutely covered in crusty old used jonnys. Not disheartened again, we start getting a blow off each of our captures and then for another 10 euroes move into axe wound entry. There is just a small bush seperating us and were pissing ourselves as we shag these aids ridden mules. My mate is trying to desperatly to stick it up her shitter and shes going mental. In the end he starts literally throwing 10 euro notes at her whilst trying to force his way into her balloon knot. What happened next i didnt know whether to laugh or cry at. Shes not putting out for cock and bum fun so he picked her up and literally launched her through the air into a bush about 2-3 yards away. Completely stuck in this bush and unable to move, my one quickly dives on all his money laid out on the floor, runs off and leaves this bird completely stuck in the bush going mental.

I think she might still be there, going back this year so will see

Genius

 

[eddie_red]

Some of these have been reproduced almost word for word in this month's Loaded.

 

[Sean_MUFC OK]

Some of these have been reproduced almost word for word in this month's Loaded.

i noticed that!!!!!!!! they have clearly been lurking on here

 

[mufc-andy]

Surely this deserves a bump ? Some top stories in this.

 

[keesey]

After a poor night of action on the strip in Albufeira for all of us, we went the strip club, the one with the ridiculous arrows pointing at it for those familiar.

Anyway we all paid in, paid for some stupid drinks and mainly dozed off watching some average free strip shows.

Anyway, one of the lads negotiates with some stripper, she looked alright under the lights, looked early 30s, fairly petite and definately doable. Good on him, most of us were too gone to be bothered trying to communicate in their broken Eastern European English (all were from there in this joint) at this point. He pays her a 100 euros and goes to the booth for 20 minutes or so, the arrangement was for him to finger her and her ass which he duly did. He then went for a wank sniffing the pooey finger Top lad.

Anyway they turf us out at some ridiculous hour and all the strippers are now dressed outside smoking waiting for a lift and we all clock the one he fingered and thumbed she must have been nearly 50 in the 6am daylight with stretch marks all over the show in her little outfit which was little more than she wore in the club. The guy was fucking livid and repeatedly ill home, whether through drunkness or the thought of fingering and sniffing her ass I'll never know.

All the girls were fucking dag rough and no wonder it was so dark in there

 

[James Connolly]

Got back off our one to kavos today, anyway

my mate who went is just unlucky. gets the shit ripped out of him, does stuff without thinking and gets it ripped even more. got with these 2 girls who were mates and their mate is bent as fuck and was really odd so we didnt talk to them that much as they were odd. anyway he got with them we took the piss he said he'd rather die than touch them again. in this club and i see him with her, walking down the street holding hands i ran down poured beer over him and go 'remember callum we're in greece so it's illegal to fuck cattle' she ran off but he went off with her. got back later, he'd licked her out and fingered her but couldnt get it up then when she left he had a wank over her.

he refused to drink again for the rest of the holiday too

 

[1ReligionMUFC]

Went Zante one year with a load of mates and we went to one of the strip clubs on our second to last night of a 2 week holiday. One of my mates was getting a dance but the room by the bar had no door so everyone could see what was going on.

Anyway half way through it and one of my other mates for some unknown reason ran in the door with the camera to get a picture. Fuck knows why. The stripper went fucking mental trying to get the camera off my mate. He wasn't really arsed about the camera, more the fact it had almost 2 weeks worth of pictures some of which were fucking priceless.

The pair of them had a tug of war for what seemed like ages, was waiting for the bouncers to pile in and kick off. In the end she resorted to booting him in the bollocks with her big fuck off heels until he dropped the camera, which she then preceded to launch across the bar.

Managed to get the camera back but the memory card had fallen out, got lost and was never found. Slag!

Great memories though.

 

[sardines and trawlers]

BTTT

Must be some suitably deviant tales to add after Summer jollies...

 

[hescoresgoals]

Swam in the pool without wearing my veruca socks

 

[Duffy03691]

Came on here to read about united, spent the last hour reading this thread. Some absolute crackers here

 

[Shit Wasp!]

Thought this was worth a bump. There must be some new material that can be added to this gem of a thread.

 

[fallowfieldred]

Such a good thread this one, been a while since i’ve perused the classic forum. Anyone have a link to the travel thread Keyser Soze posted years ago? Was a great thread with loads of unreal stories, can’t find it in the classics pile though.