. her dag slept in room also so i grabbed him into the bed and held him till he nodded off. when she woke in the morning to find the skid marks on the sheet
Christ, you didnt roger the dag did you!!!!!!
. her dag slept in room also so i grabbed him into the bed and held him till he nodded off. when she woke in the morning to find the skid marks on the sheet
Funny as, this thread. Feel that I should be contributing.
I shat my self slightly at OLD TRAFFORD!!! Think it was the Wigan 4 nil. So anyways id been out the night before drinking more than I should, and as im there chanting i of course let off a fart, instantly i know that i may have shit myself and dont want to just put my hand there and check, paranoia also kicked in about smell and the potential of brown stains seeping through my jeans, so i went off to the toilet, i never go to the toilet before half time!! So gets to toilet to have my fears confirmed, takes off the boxers leaves them there right on the shitter and after cleaning up goes back to watch the game lol. Wonder who found them at half time hahaha.
TODAY!!!
Stella drinking last night slight hungover today, was sat wanking watching internet porn, and needed a shit, i was holding it off and off so i could finish wanking first! but then i farted realised as i was farting so cupped my hand just in case (didnt want to mess the chair up) had some toilet paper next to me so had a wipe just to assess the damage and jesus whilst there had been no mess my arse was lliterally smeared in the smelliest shite!! Beauty!
I am absolutely pissing myself at this lot
had a good night in town a few years ago, stumbled back to miles platting and as i got to the gate my stomach started bubbling, frantic srtuggle to get the door open then straight in to the downstairs toilet, as i pulled my kecks down sprayed liquid shit all over the bog and wall behind it.
then spent 2 minutes walking round in circles in the kitchen naked from the waste down cleaning shit drops off the floor wondering where they were coming from till i looked between my legs to see it still dribbling out of me.
not my proudest moment.
Tried salmon at frankie and benny's about a year ago. after we had it and saw a film, me and my brother set off on the 4/5 mile walk home late at night from town to prestwich. anyway about half way it starts getting uncomfortable, 3/4s and im in agony and it's so late at night there's not a single place open, but it's not quite so bad i'm at the shitting in the bushes stage (done that before too).
anyway, get within about 500 yards of home or so and it's no longer a walking matter. i have to run, like fuck. so i set off on my mission and about halfway my arse just relaxes, gives me no chance whatsoever and i just shit and shit and shit all down my legs whilst running briskly. my jeans are basically brown and soaked at this point, my trainers are drenched in shit too. so i carry on running, cause tbh my aim now is to get home and shower and bang my clothes in the wash as quickly as possible, preferably before my brother catches up with me and realizes i've shit myself.
So I carry on running and turn the next corner, almost home, at which point a group of scally ne'er-do-wells ask me for a light.
back in my footballing days, slid in for a tackle,farted,wearing a jockstrap,runny shite everywhere. when i did'nt get up the ref came over and asked if was injured. when i replied" no, i've just shit myself" he sent me off for ungentlemanly conduct.
Ive never ever done it before, until yesterday.
Got off the bus. Had a very heavy one the night before. Stupidly got a mcdonalds for breakfast.
Burped and then thought SHIT im going to chuck this up. I did straight into the mcdonalds paper bag, which then split.
Could things get any worse? Was about 5 mins from the house and suddenly my stomach started to rumble. Started to walk like john wayne as I desperately held it in.
Got into the back garden and could last any longer. so found an open black bag and literally anialated it.
Digusting, felt quite ashamed
HA HA HAAlso know a guy that stayed over his missus' parents with her on xmas eve one year after being out on the piss, and when having xmas dinner asked how come they didnt have turkey to which the reply was "because you pissed over it last night!!!!"
i chuckled out loud at that - you dirty bleeder - "not my proudest moment" arf arf arf
Quality thread
About 10 years ago, I started seeing some girl I had fancied for ages. When you're young it takes a while to build up the bottle to approach a bird and ask her out. Anyway, she agreed and we started going out. Things moved on and one night she suggested I should stay at hers. Result
That night we went out for a nice Chinese meal and we ended going back to hers and obviously I knocked the back out of her.
The next morning, feeling proud as fuck, I got up and asked if I could take a shower. She agreed and she went downstairs to make some breakfast. After about 5 minutes in the shower, I could feel my stomach rumbling slightly and needed to fart. So, obligingly, I thought i should let one out - silently of course as I wanted to be the gentleman.
Unfortunately as I let rip, I couldn't control my bowels and promptly decorated the whole inside of the shower with shit. It was like a scene from "Ladder 49" as i frantically tried to spray water in every direction to get rid of the mess. The smell was hideous and my rep was in tatters.
I saw her again a couple of times after that but going back to hers always left me with a strong feeling of paranoia about the shower incident. She may have thought i'd taken a dump that morning, however it's something you'd normally leave until you got to your own home. I think that's why she eventually dumped me.......but hey, at least it got an airing on here...!