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CLASSIC: Ever shat yourself?

C

comeonunited

Tramp
Messages
7,985
:eek: Ive never ever done it before, until yesterday.

Got off the bus. Had a very heavy one the night before. Stupidly got a mcdonalds for breakfast.

Burped and then thought SHIT im going to chuck this up. I did straight into the mcdonalds paper bag, which then split.

Could things get any worse? Was about 5 mins from the house and suddenly my stomach started to rumble. Started to walk like john wayne as I desperately held it in.

Got into the back garden and could last any longer. so found an open black bag and literally anialated it.

Digusting, felt quite ashamed
 
comeonunited said:
:eek: Ive never ever done it before, until yesterday.

Got off the bus. Had a very heavy one the night before. Stupidly got a mcdonalds for breakfast.

Burped and then thought SHIT im going to chuck this up. I did straight into the mcdonalds paper bag, which then split.

Could things get any worse? Was about 5 mins from the house and suddenly my stomach started to rumble. Started to walk like john wayne as I desperately held it in.

Got into the back garden and could last any longer. so found an open black bag and literally anialated it.

Digusting, felt quite ashamed
Click to expand...

dirty fucker
 
i know :( couldnt help it thought mate. either that or leave a brown trail through the house :eek: :eek: :eek:
 
had a good night in town a few years ago, stumbled back to miles platting and as i got to the gate my stomach started bubbling, frantic srtuggle to get the door open then straight in to the downstairs toilet, as i pulled my kecks down sprayed liquid shit all over the bog and wall behind it.
then spent 2 minutes walking round in circles in the kitchen naked from the waste down cleaning shit drops off the floor wondering where they were coming from till i looked between my legs to see it still dribbling out of me.
not my proudest moment.
 
ste71 said:
had a good night in town a few years ago, stumbled back to miles platting and as i got to the gate my stomach started bubbling, frantic srtuggle to get the door open then straight in to the downstairs toilet, as i pulled my kecks down sprayed liquid shit all over the bog and wall behind it.
then spent 2 minutes walking round in circles in the kitchen naked from the waste down cleaning shit drops off the floor wondering where they were coming from till i looked between my legs to see it still dribbling out of me.
not my proudest moment.
Click to expand...

quality :D
 
ste71 said:
had a good night in town a few years ago, stumbled back to miles platting and as i got to the gate my stomach started bubbling, frantic srtuggle to get the door open then straight in to the downstairs toilet, as i pulled my kecks down sprayed liquid shit all over the bog and wall behind it.
then spent 2 minutes walking round in circles in the kitchen naked from the waste down cleaning shit drops off the floor wondering where they were coming from till i looked between my legs to see it still dribbling out of me.
not my proudest moment.
Click to expand...

:eek: nice.
 
Have twice woke up laid in whats best described as slurry, wife was not best pleased about it either :eek:

Also once walking hone from a mates house and farted then followed through, and this was 12 dinnertime. Walked the couple of hundreds of yards home convinced everyone knew I had pooed me pants. :o

Why does it always stink really bad when you have an accident, you know worse than usual
 
micky_moodys_hat said:
Have twice woke up laid in whats best described as slurry, wife was not best pleased about it either :eek:

Also once walking hone from a mates house and farted then followed through, and this was 12 dinnertime. Walked the couple of hundreds of yards home convinced everyone knew I had pooed me pants. :o

Why does it always stink really bad when you have an accident, you know worse than usual
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spot on :eek: :D
 
Once got a bit a stomach bug when at an athletics competition when i was about 15. I was waiting to line up for my race (200m), farted and followed through with a bit of dribble. Had to leg it from the track to where my mum and dad were sat to tell them "we're going home!".

What made it worse was that i had those shorts on that have the netted pants in them. My shit went right through and started running down my leg!:eek:
 
Salien said:
Once got a bit a stomach bug when at an athletics competition when i was about 15. I was waiting to line up for my race (200m), farted and followed through with a bit of dribble. Had to leg it from the track to where my mum and dad were sat to tell them "we're going home!".

What made it worse was that i had those shorts on that have the netted pants in them. My shit went right through and started running down my leg!:eek:
Click to expand...

:eek: :D :D :eek: classic
 
comeonunited said:
:eek: Ive never ever done it before, until yesterday.

Got off the bus. Had a very heavy one the night before. Stupidly got a mcdonalds for breakfast.

Burped and then thought SHIT im going to chuck this up. I did straight into the mcdonalds paper bag, which then split.

Could things get any worse? Was about 5 mins from the house and suddenly my stomach started to rumble. Started to walk like john wayne as I desperately held it in.

Got into the back garden and could last any longer. so found an open black bag and literally anialated it.

Digusting, felt quite ashamed
Click to expand...



brilliant
 
this thread is well funny..

I have followed through once or twice..we all have!

The thing that really pisses me off recently is the fact that shit seemingly always sticks to the hair on my arse badly..cant get it off with normal toilet paper..so if at work or a clients..you are fucked

I get the moist toilet tissue at home "for my son"..its a fucking godsend:D
 
shat myself in paris 2 years ago, was walking along with my mates and said "here listen" farted and followed through :(

Mate also pissed himself on the top bunk in Rome earlier this season which then soaked through onto my legs.

Happy times.
 
Immatoity said:
this thread is well funny..

I have followed through once or twice..we all have!

The thing that really pisses me off recently is the fact that shit seemingly always sticks to the hair on my arse badly..cant get it off with normal toilet paper..so if at work or a clients..you are fucked

I get the moist toilet tissue at home "for my son"..its a fucking godsend:D
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You can't beat babywipes can you???:D
 
Great thread, makes me proud to be British :)
 
I was on my way out one night with mates and before I had an ounce to drink, I felt a rumbling and threw up all over this wall. Mates were taking the piss "whats up can you smell the pub and its set you off" and all that.

Anyway, I soldiered on. Another 50 yards and I threw up again, this time I fart as I threw up and was convinced I had sharted (when you fart but shit). I told the lads I wasnt feeling well and started off home.

As soon as they were out of sight, I check my boxers and it was a false alarm.

By the time I got home I was in a panic, I felt dag rough. I was sweating and just started running upstairs pulling clothes off. By the time I got into the bathroom I was naked. I ran for the bog, bent over and threw my lungs up. Problem was as I threw up, runny liquid shit sprayed, projectile like from my ass all over the corner shower directly behind.

It was like clockwork, everytime I wretched, I sprayed out of the other end too.

I remember trying to clean shit out of the sliding door rails and the fiddly bits.

I ended up going to bed with a bucket and covered he bed in old towels first. Of course, first time I threw up, I shit the bed. Ended up sleeping on the bog with a bucket between my legs. Woke up in the morning right as rain :confused:
 
I once ruined a perfectly good dressing gown watching family fortunes whilst ill. :confused:
 
The first time it happened to me was in the Sofa Bar in Fallowfield...young and drunk. Anyway, I was having a piss in the urinal when I started throwing up which isn't good, however with the puke, and piss coming out, my bowls decided to let loose and I shat myself good and proper. I didn't know what to do, as I was still pissing....finally got into the cubicle and had to wipe myself down and stuff my boxers behind the shitter. A very humbling experience and the curtain call for the evening.
 
Remember sailing to Jersey on a through the night ferry one Friday night when I was about 12 years old. There was a group of squaddies pissing it up in the bar.

The weather was quite blowy and the boat was being tossed about a fair bit. Around midnight I went out to the bog and there was a squaddie with his head in the bog puking and his trousers round his ankles leaking liquid shit everywhere. He couldn't decide which he needed to put in the bog as when he sat on it then puke went everywhere and when he knelt infront of it shit went everywhere.

The floor was awash with piss, puke and liquid shit and the poor bloke was getting pretty distressed. The bog was eventually shut for the remainder of the journey.

I remember thinking that if that was what alcohol did to you I'd never ever drink.

12 months later I was taken to hospital to get my stomach pumped after getting pissed on the last day of school:o
 
See an earlier thread a few years ago re my "shame"!

China (as in the country).
Ok meals for 3 days.
Dinner / lunch in the Directors lounge at a major business. Saturday afternoon trip to a factory about 2 hours drive.
Drive there OK
On leaving felt "funny"
Basically - after jamming my hanky up my arse in tears of pain............
.
.
.
..
.
.
I shat in the back of a Merc S600Limo.
It came down my pants and onto the carpet - smell- well ....

I thank you!
 
Did a highly liquid follow through on the motorway lastweek. Clenched my arse cheeks till I got on the hard shoulder.

Used one sock for mopping and the other for polishing. Then threw them out of the window
 
Pissed myself in a police cell once when i'd been nicked got interviewed at 6 in the morning stinking of piss

Not my proudest moment .... the copper looked unhappy :D
 
On a lads weekend away to Rhyl when i was about 17 we went on one hell of an all day bender, needless to say only being a pup and not quite being up to the task of handling my booze....i woke up on a park bench somewhere and had shat my bags! Got a cab back to the caravan park, realised i had no money, legged it. Arrived outside our caravan (after about an hour of searching for it...well they all look the same when you're hammered!), took of the offendig pants, ripped them off and launched them under the caravan, then entered the caravan half naked and stinking of shit...my mates just groaned!! Bet them pants are still under that caravan!:D
 
i fuckin just have there now

BARNSLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
andrew seathwaite said:
Did a highly liquid follow through on the motorway lastweek. Clenched my arse cheeks till I got on the hard shoulder.

Used one sock for mopping and the other for polishing. Then threw them out of the window
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Fergie is that you?!:eek:
 
Yes was pissed and got fookin hammerd by two
lads kicked me so hard i shit my pants, still
lookin for the pair of twats.
 
This should be made into a sticky
 
staying in my ex's parents place one night

was fast asleep, bird beside me, when i started dreaming i was on the bowl having a nice sh!t.... weirdly felt really contented. then i slowly woke up to find i wasnt dreaming :eek: :eek: shocking situation, wasnt messy thank fxxk but a full solid log in the bed!! i take deep breath, pick it up, sneek out bed, tip toe across landing quiet as i can (all i was thinking was, if the oul man walks out of his room now and finds me walking across toward the bathroom carrying a log ...dear god) . anyway make it to toilet, flush it, wash up and back into bed. her dag slept in room also so i grabbed him into the bed and held him till he nodded off. when she woke in the morning to find the skid marks on the sheet, i had a perfect excuse, THAT FXXKIN dag!

next day whole family wouldnt shut up about how it was so srtrange for the dag to sh!t in the house, as hes been trained for years. poor dag was back out in the shed the next night!! :D :D
 
d the p said:
was fast asleep, bird beside me, when i started dreaming i was on the bowl having a nice sh!t.... weirdly felt really contented. then i slowly woke up to find i wasnt dreaming :eek: :eek: shocking situation, wasnt messy thank fxxk but a full solid log in the bed!! i take deep breath, pick it up, sneek out bed, tip toe across landing quiet as i can (all i was thinking was, if the oul man walks out of his room now and finds me walking across toward the bathroom carrying a log ...dear god) . anyway make it to toilet, flush it, wash up and back into bed. her dag slept in room also so i grabbed him into the bed and held him till he nodded off. when she woke in the morning to find the skid marks on the sheet, i had a perfect excuse, THAT FXXKIN dag!

next day whole family wouldnt shut up about how it was so srtrange for the dag to sh!t in the house, as hes been trained for years. poor dag was back out in the shed the next night!! :D :D
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Should have popped it in one of her socks
 
I am absolutely pissing myself at this lot
 
I did once.

Lived in Whalley Range at the time and was walking home through Hulme back from my birds bit. Just got a funny stomach for some reason and I could feel it touching cloth. Was confident that I could just clench and it'd be fine.

Walking past Asda I relaxed the clench momentarily and *bang* that was it. A stream of shit just shot out down my leg. Half runny, half solid. The texture of good porridge.

Fucking shocked me. A good ten minutes walk home with shit smeared all over the inside of my trousers spreading and dripping down my leg. Luckily it was dark and quiet. Felt devastated.

Got in and straight to the bathroom. Cleaned myself up and sponed down the trousers. Truly disgusting task.

Never, ever told anyone that. I suppose it just happens sometimes.
 
Apparently according to Fergie, Ronny had the shits this weekend.

Christiano, if you are reading this...come on! You must have a recent tale to tell!
 
Just the other night. Lying down watching telly, felt a fart coming on, let it go... silent but a bit too warm & worryingly wet-feeling. Some minor soiling but luckily got to the bog before doing serious damage. Half an hour later & I would've been in the car on the way to work! :eek:

Fucked if I'm ever eating that Lidl Chicken Satay again. :D
 
i once shat myself playing monkey island on the ps2. had a rough night the night before and just had a very sloppy fart that wouldnt stay in.
 
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