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CLASSIC: Ever shat yourself?

d the p said:
. her dag slept in room also so i grabbed him into the bed and held him till he nodded off. when she woke in the morning to find the skid marks on the sheet :D :D
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Christ, you didnt roger the dag did you!!!!!!:eek:
 
Funny as, this thread. Feel that I should be contributing.

I shat my self slightly at OLD TRAFFORD!!! Think it was the Wigan 4 nil. So anyways id been out the night before drinking more than I should, and as im there chanting i of course let off a fart, instantly i know that i may have shit myself and dont want to just put my hand there and check, paranoia also kicked in about smell and the potential of brown stains seeping through my jeans, so i went off to the toilet, i never go to the toilet before half time!! So gets to toilet to have my fears confirmed, takes off the boxers leaves them there right on the shitter and after cleaning up goes back to watch the game lol. Wonder who found them at half time hahaha.

TODAY!!!

Stella drinking last night slight hungover today, was sat wanking watching internet porn, and needed a shit, i was holding it off and off so i could finish wanking first! but then i farted realised as i was farting so cupped my hand just in case (didnt want to mess the chair up) had some toilet paper next to me so had a wipe just to assess the damage and jesus whilst there had been no mess my arse was lliterally smeared in the smelliest shite!! Beauty!
 
sdt1986 said:
Funny as, this thread. Feel that I should be contributing.

I shat my self slightly at OLD TRAFFORD!!! Think it was the Wigan 4 nil. So anyways id been out the night before drinking more than I should, and as im there chanting i of course let off a fart, instantly i know that i may have shit myself and dont want to just put my hand there and check, paranoia also kicked in about smell and the potential of brown stains seeping through my jeans, so i went off to the toilet, i never go to the toilet before half time!! So gets to toilet to have my fears confirmed, takes off the boxers leaves them there right on the shitter and after cleaning up goes back to watch the game lol. Wonder who found them at half time hahaha.

TODAY!!!

Stella drinking last night slight hungover today, was sat wanking watching internet porn, and needed a shit, i was holding it off and off so i could finish wanking first! but then i farted realised as i was farting so cupped my hand just in case (didnt want to mess the chair up) had some toilet paper next to me so had a wipe just to assess the damage and jesus whilst there had been no mess my arse was lliterally smeared in the smelliest shite!! Beauty!
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filthy twat.
 
Tried salmon at frankie and benny's about a year ago. after we had it and saw a film, me and my brother set off on the 4/5 mile walk home late at night from town to prestwich. anyway about half way it starts getting uncomfortable, 3/4s and im in agony and it's so late at night there's not a single place open, but it's not quite so bad i'm at the shitting in the bushes stage (done that before too).

anyway, get within about 500 yards of home or so and it's no longer a walking matter. i have to run, like fuck. so i set off on my mission and about halfway my arse just relaxes, gives me no chance whatsoever and i just shit and shit and shit all down my legs whilst running briskly. my jeans are basically brown and soaked at this point, my trainers are drenched in shit too. so i carry on running, cause tbh my aim now is to get home and shower and bang my clothes in the wash as quickly as possible, preferably before my brother catches up with me and realizes i've shit myself.

So I carry on running and turn the next corner, almost home, at which point a group of scally ne'er-do-wells ask me for a light.
 
ste71 said:
had a good night in town a few years ago, stumbled back to miles platting and as i got to the gate my stomach started bubbling, frantic srtuggle to get the door open then straight in to the downstairs toilet, as i pulled my kecks down sprayed liquid shit all over the bog and wall behind it.
then spent 2 minutes walking round in circles in the kitchen naked from the waste down cleaning shit drops off the floor wondering where they were coming from till i looked between my legs to see it still dribbling out of me.
not my proudest moment.
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:D :D :D i chuckled out loud at that - you dirty bleeder - "not my proudest moment" arf arf arf
 
The Mask said:
Tried salmon at frankie and benny's about a year ago. after we had it and saw a film, me and my brother set off on the 4/5 mile walk home late at night from town to prestwich. anyway about half way it starts getting uncomfortable, 3/4s and im in agony and it's so late at night there's not a single place open, but it's not quite so bad i'm at the shitting in the bushes stage (done that before too).

anyway, get within about 500 yards of home or so and it's no longer a walking matter. i have to run, like fuck. so i set off on my mission and about halfway my arse just relaxes, gives me no chance whatsoever and i just shit and shit and shit all down my legs whilst running briskly. my jeans are basically brown and soaked at this point, my trainers are drenched in shit too. so i carry on running, cause tbh my aim now is to get home and shower and bang my clothes in the wash as quickly as possible, preferably before my brother catches up with me and realizes i've shit myself.

So I carry on running and turn the next corner, almost home, at which point a group of scally ne'er-do-wells ask me for a light.
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jesus this is funnier than the last one:D :D :D
 
what the hell im sure everyone has a tale?

i had been out playing golf one summer evening, & we went to a pub for a few pints after - had about 6 dodgy pints of bitter & to make it worse a pub chicken jalfrezi. at last orders i set off walking home. prob only a mile & a bit. 200yds from the pub i was drinking there is another pub, & as i was walking past got the horrible rumble (as described on here several times) thought - nah i'll be ok & kept going. fatal mistake
got past the point of no return & rumbling starts again - walking fast now - gettin worse - fuck it im over a fence into a field, about 70 yards in & down they come next to the hedge & stream of shit is flowing out & i cudnt stop it without a cork! just about stopped when the next thing i know a dag is sniffing my arse & an elderley couple are walking down the field towards me - bout 50 yds away - no time for the dock leaf - pants on & im waddling towards the gate head down. dreaded anyone walking near me ! got home (fucking long walk that was ) straight in the shower. arse like a fresh bullet wound next day - ouch:eek:
 
Quality thread :D

About 10 years ago, I started seeing some girl I had fancied for ages. When you're young it takes a while to build up the bottle to approach a bird and ask her out. Anyway, she agreed and we started going out. Things moved on and one night she suggested I should stay at hers. Result

That night we went out for a nice Chinese meal and we ended going back to hers and obviously I knocked the back out of her.

The next morning, feeling proud as fuck, I got up and asked if I could take a shower. She agreed and she went downstairs to make some breakfast. After about 5 minutes in the shower, I could feel my stomach rumbling slightly and needed to fart. So, obligingly, I thought i should let one out - silently of course as I wanted to be the gentleman.

Unfortunately as I let rip, I couldn't control my bowels and promptly decorated the whole inside of the shower with shit. It was like a scene from "Ladder 49" as i frantically tried to spray water in every direction to get rid of the mess. The smell was hideous and my rep was in tatters.

I saw her again a couple of times after that but going back to hers always left me with a strong feeling of paranoia about the shower incident. She may have thought i'd taken a dump that morning, however it's something you'd normally leave until you got to your own home. I think that's why she eventually dumped me.......but hey, at least it got an airing on here...!
 
back in my footballing days, slid in for a tackle,farted,wearing a jockstrap,runny shite everywhere. when i did'nt get up the ref came over and asked if was injured. when i replied" no, i've just shit myself" he sent me off for ungentlemanly conduct.
 
missingtheroebuck said:
back in my footballing days, slid in for a tackle,farted,wearing a jockstrap,runny shite everywhere. when i did'nt get up the ref came over and asked if was injured. when i replied" no, i've just shit myself" he sent me off for ungentlemanly conduct.
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HEH!

Reminded me of an incident when I was playing football when I was about 13. I had had a bad stomach all morning but things got worse when I actually started playing. After about 20 minutes things were starting to reach the point of no return so I quickly asked to subbed, which the manager thankfully agreed to, and then I ran off into the nearest bushes and let rip. I don't think anyone noticed. If the manager had refused to have subbed me and I'd done it on the pitch I'd have been mortified.
 
one of my mates shat himself when he was taking a penalty. it just blew out of his arse the moment he made contact with the ball. keeper saved it and he had to be subbed immediately
 
A girl shat herself down the local, was shit everywhere in the cubicle, she came out of the toilets minus her tights!!! was sitting on one of the boys knees and he had a shit stain on his leg the next morning|!!!:eek: dirty bitch

Also know a guy that stayed over his missus' parents with her on xmas eve one year after being out on the piss, and when having xmas dinner asked how come they didnt have turkey to which the reply was "because you pissed over it last night!!!!":eek:
 
comeonunited said:
:eek: Ive never ever done it before, until yesterday.

Got off the bus. Had a very heavy one the night before. Stupidly got a mcdonalds for breakfast.

Burped and then thought SHIT im going to chuck this up. I did straight into the mcdonalds paper bag, which then split.

Could things get any worse? Was about 5 mins from the house and suddenly my stomach started to rumble. Started to walk like john wayne as I desperately held it in.

Got into the back garden and could last any longer. so found an open black bag and literally anialated it.

Digusting, felt quite ashamed
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Fucking loads of times.
 
LIVEUNITED said:
Also know a guy that stayed over his missus' parents with her on xmas eve one year after being out on the piss, and when having xmas dinner asked how come they didnt have turkey to which the reply was "because you pissed over it last night!!!!":eek:
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HA HA HA :D :D
 
Ardon said:
:D :D :D i chuckled out loud at that - you dirty bleeder - "not my proudest moment" arf arf arf
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thanks for your kind words, while i was stood there dribbling pooh i thought that maybe the washing machine would'nt be able to handle the shit filled jeans and so tried to open it mid cycle only to snap the handle off.
next morning i felt rough so could'nt be arsed making an excuse up when my mam asked about her broken machine, i just told her the truth.
she took it well though.
 
What an ace thread.

I know someone (not me, honest!) who got so leathered before the Arsenal home game a few years ago (I think it was the 2-0 to end their 49 game run) that he FTd during the match in K Stand.

He made a swift exit, but was getting a lift home off a mate in his dad's car. :eek:

The same lad also shat himself on an aeroplane.
 
halered said:
Quality thread :D

About 10 years ago, I started seeing some girl I had fancied for ages. When you're young it takes a while to build up the bottle to approach a bird and ask her out. Anyway, she agreed and we started going out. Things moved on and one night she suggested I should stay at hers. Result

That night we went out for a nice Chinese meal and we ended going back to hers and obviously I knocked the back out of her.

The next morning, feeling proud as fuck, I got up and asked if I could take a shower. She agreed and she went downstairs to make some breakfast. After about 5 minutes in the shower, I could feel my stomach rumbling slightly and needed to fart. So, obligingly, I thought i should let one out - silently of course as I wanted to be the gentleman.

Unfortunately as I let rip, I couldn't control my bowels and promptly decorated the whole inside of the shower with shit. It was like a scene from "Ladder 49" as i frantically tried to spray water in every direction to get rid of the mess. The smell was hideous and my rep was in tatters.

I saw her again a couple of times after that but going back to hers always left me with a strong feeling of paranoia about the shower incident. She may have thought i'd taken a dump that morning, however it's something you'd normally leave until you got to your own home. I think that's why she eventually dumped me.......but hey, at least it got an airing on here...!
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that had me pissing myself. wat a story. great thread!
 
I remember as a kid when someone couldn't hold on in a public swimming pool. think it was during school swimming lessons, not sure. let's just say the water changed colour... the people around were less than impressed.

kid got hauled out, can you imagine the shame? :eek:

must have happened to adults too. considering the stories here it could be absolutely fucking disgusting. :D
 
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playing a round of golf with my mate who was very badly hungover anyway we were both level par after 9 and going down the 10th he shat his pants !!

the words

"fucking hell ive dropped my bag"

anyways we let the group behind us play through and he wipped off his kegs and chucked them in the trees and continued to play with no underwear

he finished 7 over

you could say his arse fell out

:D
 
At least its fair to say now that its a totally natural occurence, what with so many of us having storys to tell.
 
bttt
 
Related story.........................

a mate of mine (no, not me!) went to meet his new girlfirend's parents for the first time for an evening meal at their house. All was going well and the mother announced the food would be ready in five minutes. At this moment in time my mate realised he needed a shit and so politely excused himself and was directed to the upstairs toilet. Trousers down, sat on the toilet and trying to expell it as quickly as possible as the 'clock was ticking'.

Unfortunately ' large' was not the word to describe his creation, and after one attempted flush he realised he had a problem, a big problem! He decided to use the toilet brush to ty to force the beast down, however it faught back and wouldn't go without a fight! As he flushed the second time it dawned on him five minutes had passed and the flushing was obvious to everybody in the house. For some reason known best to himself, he decided more toilet paper might help? It didn't!

Third flush and some gave up the fight and dissapeared, but some remained. At this stage he heard the dreaded question from her mum downstairs

"Are you alright up there" :eek:

He replied he was and thought one last flush would do the trick. He pulled the handle and to his horror the water level started to rise and rise! Next thing it's flooding out over the top and onto the white fluffy carpet. Brown water was eveywhere and he later described the smell as "overpowering". He desperately tried to mop up the mess with a towel and then discovered he was standing on a piece of turd which had smeared into the carpet!

He did the only thing he could think of and ran downstairs and out of the front door and kept running. He never saw the girl again, but about two years later actually received a Christmas card from her and family :o
 
Its threads like this that make this the best messageboard around!
:D :D :D :D
 
Done it outside the Trafford once after a Sunday match

Had been on the smash on Friday night, all day Saturday and the majority on Sat night so was pretty rough when I got up on Sunday, met the lads as normal in the local, had a few pints there then on to the game, went the whole game with no incident but afterwads decided to get a ratburger as I hadn't eaten since the Friday, wolfed that down then about 15 minutes later felt the need to let a fart go, did and followed through, was fucking mortified, nipped in the pub to clean up, didn't have to tell the lads what had happened as they already knew, went straight home after had a shower and rejoined them in the pub
 
me and a load of mates skived off work one day to watc lancs v somerset

was pissing down so we thought we'd go in the bishops and have a few westons cider.....

any way the rain didn't stop and the cider continued, at one point I thought i eould let out a sly fart, but not to be.... realised I was in trouble and ran up the stairs but was too late, ass and boxers were filled with the most repungent cider fuelled shit ever!!!

done the thing that all blokes should do, had a quick tidy up and stuffed the boxers down the side of the cistern.

when returned to the pub one of mates asked what was wrong so discreetly told him adding the immortal words 'please keep this quiet'

within seconds a pub full if cricket fans knew I had shit myself :o
 
got a curry last night and about 6am was lay on my bed squeezing my cheeks together waiting for turtles head to stop trying to get out, after about 5min of my stomach killin finally made it to the bog n it was like a carpet bomb goin off in the bog.
 
ok, i dont know if i told this story once before on here, but its quite famous with my kids and (now) wife.

august 2001, im in kos, greece, and having arrived on the sat at about 6.30am, started a mammoth drinkin session at around 6.45am (had to drop the bags off and have a spliff :D ), over a day later and we are still at it, not slept, just pissed.

in the meantime i've met (unbeknown to me) my future wife, tried to lure her back to my appartment with my drunken charms (good job i didnt), and having failed, decided that it might be a good idea to have a sleep.

BUT NOT BEFORE EATING A KEBAB!! always a good idea, so off i toddle with me pint of export and me kebab, until me stomach starts to go, so i run all the way back to the appartment, my key wont work, so i try to pull myself up on the balcony, and having expelled all my effort into pulling my drunken frame up, i left "the doors" dangerously open, and shit sloppy kebab and delhi belly down both legs.

i still hadnt got into the apprtment, so i shouted some young lad over, and asked for a foot up, only problem was, that when i lifted my leg up all the shit fell out into his hand, how he didnt twat me ill never know. but i got in, so thanks mate!!
 
How I'm not divorced...

Had an event that came from no-where.

Got up in the morning, into the bathroom (naked of course) and started to brush my teeth.

At that moment the wife pops into the bathroom to freshen up, when I feel that makings of a little fart to brighten her morning.

Upon squeezing to my horror I follow through, shit all over the wife's leg, the carpet and my lower leg. I was paralized with fear for well over 10 seconds whilst my wife dived in the shower to wash of my sticky shit.:confused:

Realized what a lucky man I am when she didn't walk out there and then.
 
bttt - funny as fuck :D
 
I can't let a thread like this dribble down the leg of the forum.

BTTT ah says, BTTT!
 
Blinking eckers like:eek: :eek:
 
BTW, did you take your top off whilst doing your number 2???:confused:
 
:D twice this morning, three times this afternoon and twice this evening!
 
I had a bad stomach the other week before the match and as i got out of bed I Shit liquid a bit on my covers. I then went for a shower and got changed. I came back onto my room and sat down on my bed and forgetting about the accident on my covers, Sat in it!! I had to Iron some clean jeans, and spent the rest of the day at OT worrying that I was going to pepper my grundies again.
 
that is fukin rank hahahaha
 
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