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CLASSIC: Ive gone and got myself into a bit of trouble

Get a knuckle duster. Hit him once. He wont get back up quickly.
 
Just shadow box him into submission.
 
Ive just been watching Rocky 4 as that really gets me in the mood for a scrap and know im bouncing around the house throwing lefts and rights, im going to watch it again before i go to bed tonight so im ready for it in the morning.

Can anyone answer my earlier question about where to buy CS gas ?
 
:D Fucking hell this is funny, people in work are staring at me wondering why the fuck im laughing at the computer

Brilliant Stuff :D

Cooking Course & Hairdressing :D

Rocky fucking 4 :D
 
you need to do a rocky style training montage, grow a beard and have some auld fella scream "He's a wreckin machine!" at you. Then bring a crowbar with you and if he goes for you crack him over the head with it.
 
Take it like a man and get your head kicked in..You pussbag!
 
Bollocks said:
I go to college two times a week and at the bus stop a lad is always there who goes to college too, he never speaks he just stands there listening to his ipod, we exchange a slight eyebrow raise every now and again but thats about it.

Today in the canteen at college i was having my dinner with one of the girls who is also on my course and i noticed this lad from the bus stop sat opposite us really staring at my friend, i presumed he fancied her and when she got up to take her tray back i said to him "if you want ill introduce you" thinking i was being polite.
He took this the wrong way and said "you what you fucking poof", i repeated what i said but knew while i was saying it that the whole situation had gone a bit sour, he then said "ill knock you on your fucking arse you faggot" and started touching my face with his forehead, i was shitting myself and didn't know what to do so i tried apologising to him and explaining what i meant but he was having none of it, he told me he was going to cut me up, at this point the girl from my course came back and in a fit of madness i tried playing the hardman and kept saying "do it dickhead" which fucked him off even more but luckily one of the security staff came and broke it up

The thing is to be honest im soft as fuck and this lad seems to be a bit of a rough type so i know ill get my arse kicked, im now a bit scared about going to the bus stop on Thursday morning (when im next in college) as he will probably start some trouble as its just him and me at the bus stop, he is doing a cooking course so has access to knives and cleaver e.t.c so my ring is twitching a little, the cooking building is right next door to where my class is so there is no escape.

Anyone got any tips on how i should handle it, if needs be ill get a weapon of my own but i'll only use it as a last resort (i have a pair of scissors but id rather not use them they are professional hairdressing scissors), hopefully one of the forum hardcases like Boyle or Yorks-Red will know what to do
Click to expand...
:D :D
 
Right lads I've got a plan, I'm going to get a washing up liquid bottle and piss in it for the rest of the day until I fill it (my piss first thing in the morning is a big one so that should do it) then take it to the bus stop in the morning, if he starts any shit ill pull out the washing up liquid bottle and tell him its full of piss and if he carries on I'm going to squirt it at him.

With him doing cookery he'll be pretty concerned about the hygene implications and back off

That's the plan anyway, obviousy CS gas would of been better but no one seems to know where to get it
 
Bollocks said:
Right lads I've got a plan, I'm going to get a washing up liquid bottle and piss in it for the rest of the day until I fill it (my piss first thing in the morning is a big one so that should do it) then take it to the bus stop in the morning, if he starts any shit ill pull out the washing up liquid bottle and tell him its full of piss and if he carries on I'm going to squirt it at him.

With him doing cookery he'll be pretty concerned about the hygene implications and back off

That's the plan anyway, obviousy CS gas would of been better but no one seems to know where to get it
Click to expand...

cosh him on the bonce with a half charlie:cool:
 
It is important that you get to the bus stop first.

Then from your man bag (all hairdressers have them) take out a copy of Gordon Ramseys new book, he will then know he is dealing with a culinery heavy weight and you may then be able to discuss recipes.

You could always get your mum to take you and pick you up from college
 
just front it, he's probably a right bender, just fuckin have it with him, you've got nothing to lose
 
You are doing hairdressing and he is doing cooking.

He's obviously gay and just wanted to impress you. You know, like we did in the playground when we were six years old and fancied a girl? Instead of being nice to her we'd start calling her names and chucking stones at her in front of our mates.

He wants your panhandle violently thrusted into his anus.
 
if not a wum


I hope you get your fuckin head kicked in you hairdressing cunt
 
thanks for the entertainment :D

And do tell us how fast this big fucking chef ran away from the hairdresser squirting piss on him.........:D

thanks again - have not laughed that much in a long time
 
He doesn't want to fight you. He's trying to find out if you're passive or active
 
offer him a free haircut as a goodwill gesture??

Pissing in bottles will just wind him up
 
Wear a City top to the bus stop. He'll feel sorry for you and leave you alone.
 
Bollocks, you haven't been ringing Babestation lately have you ????????? :D
 
Get yourself a printed tee with "If I die, I die" written on it and above it print this pic. He will change bus stops when he sees you coming over the hill. ;)
 
Get on a different bus ;)

oh you already do :D
 
:D :D

9.5/10
Nearly as good as the babestation thread
:D :D
 
One of the girls off my course has just rung me and told me that the lad from the bus stop has pulled her and asked where I was, he said he was looking forward to discussing matters with me.
I'm proper shitting myself now, I've got a practice evening tonight as well at the shop, I don't think ill be able to concentrate on cutting hair with all this on my mind.

This could ruin my career before its even begun, all it takes is one lapse in concentration and your clients lost an ear, I'm going to have to sort this once and for all tomorrow.

I'm going into the backyard now to practise swinging the bike chain and squirting the piss bottle at the same time
 
Bollocks said:
One of the girls off my course has just rung me and told me that the lad from the bus stop has pulled her and asked where I was, he said he was looking forward to discussing matters with me.
I'm proper shitting myself now, I've got a practice evening tonight as well at the shop, I don't think ill be able to concentrate on cutting hair with all this on my mind.

This could ruin my career before its even begun, all it takes is one lapse in concentration and your clients lost an ear, I'm going to have to sort this once and for all tomorrow.

I'm going into the backyard now to practise swinging the bike chain and squirting the piss bottle at the same time
Click to expand...

:D :D
 
Bollocks said:
I'm going into the backyard now to practise swinging the bike chain and squirting the piss bottle at the same time
Click to expand...

Marvelous, why not wrap some shit up in a paper bag and throw it in towards him as you approach the bus stop - Unleash Hell!!!!
 
Animal said:
Marvelous, why not wrap some shit up in a paper bag and throw it in towards him as you approach the bus stop - Unleash Hell!!!!
Click to expand...

Give him the fuckin evils mate.
 
My brother has just been saying that mixing some mustard powder with the piss will make his eyes sting worse than CS gas so that might be a goer, ill have to pop to the spar in a bit as we only have that american squeezy mustard in the cupboard.

I'm proper psyched up now and in a strange way looking forward to it, hopefully ill feel the same in the morning but I reckon ill shit it big style
 
Let us know how it works out for you fella, dont forget though, always watch both his hands not just the one he has clenched into a fist. The last thing you want is to get caught of guard before you can spray him with your piss mustardy thing.

Try wrapping the bike chain around your fist, spray him in the eye and then punch him.

Alternatively you could just bend over and get it over and done with
 
Cant stop laughing - picturing this guy stinking of piss at college smirking about this battered hairdresser crumpled in a bus shelter.

Sorry Bollox -but if its all true, it sort of spoils the story.
 
Quality thread one of the best infact

Is there another football forum anywhere that has comedy gold like this, all the others I've been on stick to football nothing else.

Threads like this make RI special
 
Chefs are usually hard drinking,hard fighting muthas.
 
He does cookery? :D
 
one day this will make a tv show or maybe even a film
 
A haird dresser bricking it from student doing cookery???

Piss in a bottle with mustard> than pepper spray???

Practising swinging a bike chain at the same time as squirting a bottle of piss???



Brilliant:D
 
I have just come home from work. If this isnt a WUM then mate my thoughts are with you.

If it is a WUM then I salute you as the author of one of the funniest wums I have ever read on this forum. Unbelievable quality.
 
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