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CLASSIC: how do you hit someone properly?

john.m20 said:
my next door neighbour is an 80-year old widow.
hed probably spit his drink out, doubt it would be in embarassment though.
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i meant your neighbours daughter, the one hes spreading rumours

Anyway what has he been saying
 
seriously, no neighbour jokes pleasee. im not getting into exactly what rumours this idiot started spreading, but they were filthy.
ive finally persuaded her dad theyre not true, but hes worried about the effect theyre having on her with her gcse mocks coming up soon.
 
just got home from work and first thing i thought when read this was shadow boxing theres no other answer mate
 
So she's 15 or 16, NOW I'm interested.










































Sorry couldn't resist it, my bad.
 
john.m20 said:
seriously, no neighbour jokes pleasee. im not getting into exactly what rumours this idiot started spreading, but they were filthy.
ive finally persuaded her dad theyre not true, but hes worried about the effect theyre having on her with her gcse mocks coming up soon.
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what are you gonna do about it? sneak up and snap your glasses case in someones face?
 
if this isn't a WU:

why don't you trash his car instead? or some other way that doesn't carry a risk of doing more damage than you intended, especially as you need to come on here to ask how to hit him.

how about spiking his drink with laxatives?

or spreading your own rumours about him? get a gay mate, if you've got one, to go round saying he gives crap head.
 
This is one of the best WUMs in a while.
 
what pub is the quiz in might come and hold your coat and im first aid trained
 
First of all......................

win the quiz


then twat him over the head with the cheap plonk you've just won
 
Football said:
if this isn't a WU:

why don't you trash his car instead?
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he hasnt got a car, hes on the dole. hes one of them people that hasnt got any money, but always seems to be in the pub with a pint in his hand.
and like i said at the start, violence is the only language someone like him understands.
ive sent him a couple of letters asking him to stop talking about it, but got no reply.
told him id contact the police and do him for harassment, he just laughed in my face.
im at my wits end to be honest, and this is the only thing i can think of.
 
john.m20 said:
he hasnt got a car, hes on the dole. hes one of them people that hasnt got any money, but always seems to be in the pub with a pint in his hand.
and like i said at the start, violence is the only language someone like him understands.
ive sent him a couple of letters asking him to stop talking about it, but got no reply.
told him id contact the police and do him for harassment, he just laughed in my face.
im at my wits end to be honest, and this is the only thing i can think of.
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The police would advise to you to pursue a civil prosecusion for slander.
 
Launch from a solid base, feet planted firmly on the floor and start the punch from your legs. Pick a spot and punch right through it.
 
partytown said:
what pub is the quiz in might come and hold your coat and im first aid trained
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in m20 area. not giving out which pub because a certain forumista on here has physically threatened me a few times and i dont want to make his job any easier for him.
any locals will probably know which pubs do a quiz on a tuesday though.
 
"judo chop!"
 
take it you know his name so on your quiz sheet put your team name as for instance john smith is a kiddy fiddler and someone else might twat him for you
 
it's been suggested before. See Homer for the answer.

Bart: Dad, remember when Tom had you in that headlock and you screamed "I'm a hemophiliac" and when he let you go, you kicked him in the back?
Homer: Heh heh heh. Yeah?
Bart: Will you teach me how to do that?
Homer: Sure, boy. First, you gotta shriek like a woman and keep sobbing until he turns away in disgust. That's when it's time to kick some back! (he and Bart laugh) And then when he's lying down on the ground...
Bart: Yeah?
Homer: kick him in the ribs...
Bart: Yeah?
Homer: step on his neck...
Bart: Yeah?
Homer:Then, run like hell. (Bart and Homer laugh together)
 
youd better do a good job mate, or he'll come looking for you.... have you considered, if he only understand violence, chances are he'll like dishing it out..
 
stand next to him at the bar ignore him when he goes to take a slurp of beer uppercut him on his chin, proceed to smash the stool he sat on over his head
 
john.m20 said:
some guy has been spreading rumours about me and my neighbours daughter, and ive decided enough is enough.
words dont have any affect with this type of person, so giving him a bit of violence is the plan.
but, as you might have noticed, im not really a violent man.
im going to the pub tonight because its quiz night, and i know hell be there the bloody barfly.
he usually sits on a stool by the bar, chatting up the barmaids. plan is to wait til ive finished the quiz, walk past him, then punch him from behind and knock him off the stool. maybe stamp on him a few times when hes down, then run.
i know its a bit of a cowardly attack, but hes a big chap and would probably have me in a normal fight.
so where do i hit him to make sure he goes down? is anywhere in the general skull area ok?
im not a powerful guy, but if i just wind my arm back and swing like im playing golf, it should do the job yes?
ta for any tips lads. really want to teach this bigmouth a lesson.
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Why does this seem familiar to me?
 
this is the best wum ive seen in ages. blood doesn't clot easily. small eyes and big glasses. swing my fist like a golf club. what a top class joker
 
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partytown said:
take it you know his name so on your quiz sheet put your team name as for instance john smith is a kiddy fiddler and someone else might twat him for you
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not a bad idea that :D

teas ready now and im off to my mates from some pre-quiz boning up at 6.30, so ill let you all know how i got on later.

wish me luck lads :o
 
Wallop him across the head with the pub's fire extinguisher :D

Seriously though, going back to what someone said earlier, punch him full force between the eyes with your fist but have the knuckles of your middle and index finger protruding. Don't swing either, elbow back and a straight smack.

Then run for your fucking life. But if you get the chance kick him a couple of times after he's fallen off his stool.
 
hang on a minute, wheres the fucking LINK on the neighbour:confused:
 
john.m20 said:
not a bad idea that :D

teas ready now and im off to my mates from some pre-quiz boning up at 6.30, so ill let you all know how i got on later.

wish me luck lads :o
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joker. tim's kicking back, watching the simpsons and insisting we smoke another zoot despite the fact ive got football in an hour and a half
 
I can't wait to see how this turns out.
 
i think whoever said run him over had the right idea tbh. you can tippex out your number plate so no one sees it. police will probably just think its a run of the mill hit and run :cool:
 
Just seen a specky young lad walk past our front window clutching a quize paper and what looked like the thick end of a pool que hanging out of his arse, very tearful he looked poor fella.
 
i done fucked up lads.
so i got behind him ready to knock this twit out, pulled my first back ready to unleash hell but someone was walking behind me and kind of knocked into my other arm....
id had a couple of pints of carling and this allready made be feel a bit light-headed, and the push really knocked me off balance. i had to carry on with the punch,, swung forward but miised his head by a mile. next bit is all a bit of a blur,
my body seemed to keep swining, i started losing my footing and fell forwards onto the bar.
next thing i know im on the floor and hes stood over me laughing. i went to get up, put my specs back on, and he told me to have a square go. oviously i felt a bloody tit so i just walked passed him without saying anything.
just as i get to the door he shouts out 'your a nonce....and a ponce!!!' half the pub seemed to be laughing.
not my finest hour. i cant go back in there again.

we did manage to win the quiz though. i correctly guessed the population of denmark for the tiebreaker. silver clouds and all that.
 
john.m20 said:
some guy has been spreading rumours about me and my neighbours daughter, and ive decided enough is enough.
words dont have any affect with this type of person, so giving him a bit of violence is the plan.
but, as you might have noticed, im not really a violent man.
im going to the pub tonight because its quiz night, and i know hell be there the bloody barfly.
he usually sits on a stool by the bar, chatting up the barmaids. plan is to wait til ive finished the quiz, walk past him, then punch him from behind and knock him off the stool. maybe stamp on him a few times when hes down, then run.
i know its a bit of a cowardly attack, but hes a big chap and would probably have me in a normal fight.
so where do i hit him to make sure he goes down? is anywhere in the general skull area ok?
im not a powerful guy, but if i just wind my arm back and swing like im playing golf, it should do the job yes?
ta for any tips lads. really want to teach this bigmouth a lesson.
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Well, first, don't do this. I refer you to that scene in Dazed and Confused.

However, if you're going to swing at a guy, you'll have to avoid hitting him in the temple because, you never know, you might just kill him.

Aside from that, the biggest mistake people make when throwing a punch is to think that it's about swinging your fist at him. Most of the power in a good punch comes from your legs, arse and trunk, the actual swing is just the final whip. So make sure you get your feet firmly set and twist through your hips as you hit him. You might want to practice this beforehand. Beyond that, remember its not about pushing your fist through his head. Aim to get the snap of your punch about half an inch deeper. No more than that. You might surprise yourself if you get all that right.
 
:d :d
 
Maybe you should get your Uno out and give ya Mum a game. I find it soothes me after a hectic time.
 
If you dont know, you shouldnt be asking....:cool:
 
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