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CLASSIC: Have to dig up a dead cat's grave tonight.

Red Desire

Red Desire

Disturbing the Tomb
Staff Member
Messages
20,595
Our cat went missing a couple of weeks ago and we discovered last night that it had unfortunately died - don't know how yet but we will find out.

The problem is, that the neighbour who found Sam dead is a real cat lover and buried him in her back garden, she has 2 or 3 cats buried there already I believe. His collar had fallen off so I have to assume she didn't know where Sam lives.

Anyway - my wife wants me to dig him up and bring him back to our garden so he can be buried where he belongs. I think I am going to have to do it in the night as I dont get home from work till it goes dark.

Im not too keen on this - but do want to placate the missus as she is really upset. Any ideas on how to get out of it?
 
buy a smiliar looking cat, shoot the fucker/drown it then bury it, saves you digging up the dead.
 
get the wife to take the lady out, therefore you can whip round garden dig cat up and then go thru the ladys house, I am sure she will have a good stash of cash under the bed

win win situation
 
Condolences mate. I know a lot will take the piss on here but I know what it feels like to lose a cat.

Back to your problem though - May I recommend watching Goodfellas as it has a great corpse digging scene.
 
and Solskjaer has won it said:
Condolences mate. I know a lot will take the piss on here but I know what it feels like to lose a cat.

Back to your problem though - May I recommend watching Goodfellas as it has a great corpse digging scene.
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That's worse than the others!

Fucking luring him into a false sense of security, then "BAM!", joke-time!

:D
 
'Sure holy mudda of god....'

To dig up der Dead Kitty once it has gone to it's restin' place. Sure I never heard of such a ting. I'll have to say a whole rosary.

But if I knows dis,and I knows only one ting:

no good will come of it.

As day say in de auld country, (Co. Lancashire) Let sleeping cats lay.

So day do.
 
Red Desire said:
Our cat went missing a couple of weeks ago and we discovered last night that it had unfortunately died - don't know how yet but we will find out.

The problem is, that the neighbour who found Sam dead is a real cat lover and buried him in her back garden, she has 2 or 3 cats buried there already I believe. His collar had fallen off so I have to assume she didn't know where Sam lives.

Anyway - my wife wants me to dig him up and bring him back to our garden so he can be buried where he belongs. I think I am going to have to do it in the night as I dont get home from work till it goes dark.

Im not too keen on this - but do want to placate the missus as she is really upset. Any ideas on how to get out of it?
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Remind the wife that the cat didn't have a "garden", it just had territory which presumably included the garden it's now buried in. Tell her that cat will probably be happier fucking over neighbouring cats by being buried in that garden on the edge of its territory rather than right in the middle. If that fails, she should do the dirty business herself to be honest.

A grimmer problem faces my cat-loving parents, who have just sold off part of their garden for development (being unable to sell their house as it stands). Unfortunately the part they've sold off contains the bodies of not one but three cats. Some time soon my poor old Dad is going to have to dig them all up and bury them nearer the house.

The cats, of course, wouldn't have given a fuck about all this.
 
The wife is really upset, I havent lost too much sleep over Sam but when we found out for certain last night I have to admit I was a bit touched. The window-cleaner knocked on and told us.

The problem I have, is that the neighbour hasnt given us permission to dig him up so I have to do it when they are asleep or out.

The wife is adamant that I get him back so have to think up some ideas of how to do it without being seen.

Their house backs on to ours slightly and with them all being detached there are some good hiding places but if I get caught how do I explain away a big fuck off spade?
 
If you've put posters or something up, get a mate to ring the house and pretend to be someone who's seen the cat after it got buried in the back garden. you there fore don't have to dig up the garden as missus will think cat is still alive.
whoever rings will need to give some good evidence that it definately was your cat!!!!
 
just go and tell the bitch next door you want your dead cat back, simple! Just so she knows in future whilst holding the dead cat in one hand, grab her round the throat with your other hand, which is still full of mud from digging the cat up bare handed like a madman, squeeze hard so she can hardly breath and say through gritted teeth "If you ever go near any of my dead cats again i'll cut you up" then walk away only pausing to spit on her as you trapse away shouting in your campest voice possible "i'ts ok luv i've got sammypoos back!"
 
How old is your wife?? I had to bury our cat a couple of years ago and that was pretty awful...Digging up a dead cat just to bury it again is a complete joke.

Let the poor thing rest where it is...Or just lie to the misses and tell her you managed to dig it up and buried it AGAIN!!

I am sure the cat couldnt give a fuck where it was buried!!

H26
 
RalphMilne said:
just go and tell the bitch next door you want your dead cat back, simple! Just so she knows in future whilst holding the dead cat in one hand, grab her round the throat with your other hand, which is still full of mud from digging the cat up bare handed like a madman, squeeze hard so she can hardly breath and say through gritted teeth "If you ever go near any of my dead cats again i'll cut you up" then walk away only pausing to spit on her as you trapse away shouting in your campest voice possible "i'ts ok luv i've got sammypoos back!"
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:D :D :D have some rep
Remind me never to move next door to you
 
Hassy26 said:
How old is your wife?? I had to bury our cat a couple of years ago and that was pretty awful...Digging up a dead cat just to bury it again is a complete joke.

Let the poor thing rest where it is...Or just lie to the misses and tell her you managed to dig it up and buried it AGAIN!!

I am sure the cat couldnt give a fuck where it was buried!!

H26
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What comedy accent did you do that in H26, that one didn't come across to well this time

I was slightly gutted when our cat went missin ages ago, proper little nutter it was

Prefer dags now though

And back to the original posters question, I'm not to sure, sorry mate
 
What Red Desire is failing to tell you all is that his wife also wants to know the cause of death and is arranging an autopsy. Without going into too much detail, Mr Desire already knows the results of this will be very similar to that of the bloke found in Barrymore's pool
 
Are you going to have a Pussmortem ?:o
 
Benny said:
What comedy accent did you do that in H26, that one didn't come across to well this time

I was slightly gutted when our cat went missin ages ago, proper little nutter it was

Prefer dags now though

And back to the original posters question, I'm not to sure, sorry mate
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I think it was a father Ted accent Benny, taking in to account the severity of the situation.
 
Hassy26 said:
How old is your wife??

Let the poor thing rest where it is...Or just lie to the misses and tell her you managed to dig it up and buried it AGAIN!!
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Are you suggesting Red Desire is in fact Kleberson? :eek:

Actually in your madness you may have hit on the solution.

In the dead of night dig a hole in your garden and fill it in. Explain to your (young) wife that (a) you didn't have permission to dig it up from next door, and (b) that the cat had met a rather messy end and you didn't want to upset her by letting her see the body.

You'll only get found out if she digs to check.

And to be frank if she did that, I would recommend getting a divorce anyway.
 
The autopsy isn't a given just yet - im trying to talk her out of that.

That's further down the line anyway, I need to get Sam out of the ground first without being detected.

I'll have to do it tonight, as the ground my be still pretty soft due to the rain and another thing I have just thought about - how do I know where it is buried? It could be anywhere in the garden.

Jesus - this is doing my head in.
 
I always put bits of metal in my cat's food, that way if I ever need to dig it up from my neighbour's garden I can use a metal detector to locate it.

What kind of cat owner are you?!
 
our cat went missing this weekend, went missing about 4pm, was not a happy time at our house, the missus was doing her nut (as was i) not much sleep sat night.

the little fecker comes strolling back in the house at like midday sunday - LITTLE BASTARD!!

problem we have is, they were rescue cats, and have only just started going outside, so you can imagine our distress :(



so you r going to dig the cat up in the dark cos u r not allow in the day - wtf? do you not think they will notice the next day that there is abig fuck-off hole in the garden?? and possibly a trail of mud to your house and then a grave in your garden - i think your neighbour will do their nut when they find out!
just go round and demand the cat back - they can't say no!
cry cry cry until they do!!
 
ralphie88 said:
Are you suggesting Red Desire is in fact Kleberson? :eek:

Actually in your madness you may have hit on the solution.

In the dead of night dig a hole in your garden and fill it in. Explain to your (young) wife that (a) you didn't have permission to dig it up from next door, and (b) that the cat had met a rather messy end and you didn't want to upset her by letting her see the body.

You'll only get found out if she digs to check.

And to be frank if she did that, I would recommend getting a divorce anyway.
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I have thought of misleading her but that idea went out the window as she wants to be present at the re-burial! She is going to get my little lad to make a cross to act as a headstone.

He is upset but I think he is more worried about seeing a dead cat than anything else.
 
Does the lady next door live on land that used to be an Indian Burial Ground? If so leave it and your wife may have a nice surprise in a week or so when the cat wonders back into the house, keep an eye on it though as it may be possessed...

I know that my cat, Bootross, is active in voodoo an will hopefully come back from the dead. she has already earmarked a couple of indian burial grounds for when she passes.
 
are you fucking insane? digging up a dead cat to then put it in your garden. id be more concerned about your birds mental health rather than digging the cat up. she sounds like a fucking nutter
 
I know it sounds fucking mental but in some weird way I kind of agree with her that Sam's final resting place should be where he knows.
 
Your wife is a nutter.
 
Red Desire said:
The autopsy isn't a given just yet - i'm trying to talk her out of that.

That's further down the line anyway, I need to get Sam out of the ground first without being detected.

I'll have to do it tonight, as the ground my be still pretty soft due to the rain and another thing I have just thought about - how do I know where it is buried? It could be anywhere in the garden.

Jesus - this is doing my head in.
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There's bound to be a marker, otherwise you're going to be running around the back yard like Eli Wallach in that graveyard scene in the good the bad and the ugly:eek:
 
Red Desire said:
The autopsy isn't a given just yet - im trying to talk her out of that.

That's further down the line anyway, I need to get Sam out of the ground first without being detected.

I'll have to do it tonight, as the ground my be still pretty soft due to the rain and another thing I have just thought about - how do I know where it is buried? It could be anywhere in the garden.

Jesus - this is doing my head in.
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YCNMIU

I am in fucking stiches...I think you should dig a hole for your misses who is warped!!!

H26
 
I'm sorry to hear about your cat.
 
Swagger said:
Your wife is a nutter.
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That is beyond doubt mate!

But I need to know the best way and quickest way to dig up a grave and get the cadaver out of there without being seen. So far I know I will need a spade, a bag and a pair of gloves.

Im hoping that there are some tell tale signs of a burial BUT if the catlady has wrapped Sam in a blanket or something I may end up picking the wrong one. She has more than one cat already buried in her garden.
 
Red Desire said:
The autopsy isn't a given just yet - im trying to talk her out of that.

That's further down the line anyway, I need to get Sam out of the ground first without being detected.

I'll have to do it tonight, as the ground my be still pretty soft due to the rain and another thing I have just thought about - how do I know where it is buried? It could be anywhere in the garden.

Jesus - this is doing my head in.
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Cat scan? :o
 
Red Desire said:
That is beyond doubt mate!

But I need to know the best way and quickest way to dig up a grave and get the cadaver out of there without being seen. So far I know I will need a spade, a bag and a pair of gloves.

Im hoping that there are some tell tale signs of a burial BUT if the catlady has wrapped Sam in a blanket or something I may end up picking the wrong one. She has more than one cat already buried in her garden.
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just get em all then, be company for yours
 
Ashcrapper said:
just get em all then, be company for yours
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Can't see me being inconspicuous running down the pavemnt to our house with a bundle of dead cats and a spade over my shoulder.

No - Im going to have to take some kind of torch so I can get a look at him before I snatch him.
 
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