CLASSIC: Have to dig up a dead cat's grave tonight.

[saha's injured]

On a slightly related topic

My brother-in-law was asked by his boss if he would bury his wife's pet daschund. The b-i-l went round and was told that he was to bury the dag under its favourite rhoddendron bush and when he was finished, he could help himself to a can of beer from the garage.

When the b-i-l saw the stack of cans, he immediately got stuck into them and was soon pleasantly pissed. He then realised that the boss would be home in half an hour, so started digging furiously under said bush. Unfortunately for him, these bushes have long thick roots and he couldn't dig a hole long enough to accommodate the daschund.

So, in a fit of panic, he chopped the fucking dag in half with his spade and buried it in the half sized hole stacked one half on top of the other. The boss came home and was well pleased and gave the b-i-l a tenner.

Two days later, the boss bollocked the b-i-l for not burying the dag deep enough because after some heavy rain, it's tail was sticking out of the ground. He had to go back and re-bury it before they found out what he had done to their beloved dag.

 

[NW3427]

No - I dont really want to get into an argument with them. We have asked twice and they have refused and took flowers from us for doing so!

I have to do it, Im going to recce the back garden when I get home.

so you won't risk an arguement, but you will risk getting caught in their garden by the insomniac husband .......... and how do you explain this in court?

suppose it will be a funny story to tell ya mates in prison!
do they get internet in prison? maybe you can confirm this when you get in!

just go round and fucking shout the house down - THIS IS YOUR CAT! NOT THERES!

 

[rioja]

Cheers Saha

I'm sure Red Desire will take great comfort from that

 

[sunnydelight]

My brother-in-law was asked by his boss if he would bury his wife's pet daschund. The b-i-l went round and was told that he was to bury the dag under its favourite rhoddendron bush and when he was finished, he could help himself to a can of beer from the garage.

When the b-i-l saw the stack of cans, he immediately got stuck into them and was soon pleasantly pissed. He then realised that the boss would be home in half an hour, so started digging furiously under said bush. Unfortunately for him, these bushes have long thick roots and he couldn't dig a hole long enough to accommodate the daschund.

So, in a fit of panic, he chopped the fucking dag in half with his spade and buried it in the half sized hole stacked one half on top of the other. The boss came home and was well pleased and gave the b-i-l a tenner.

Two days later, the boss bollocked the b-i-l for not burying the dag deep enough because after some heavy rain, it's tail was sticking out of the ground. He had to go back and re-bury it before they found out what he had done to their beloved dag.

That's a classic

 

[Simmo 1956]

I know it sounds fucking mental but in some weird way I kind of agree with her that Sam's final resting place should be where he knows.

It's fucking dead

 

[Red Desire]

so you won't risk an arguement, but you will risk getting caught in their garden by the insomniac husband .......... and how do you explain this in court?

suppose it will be a funny story to tell ya mates in prison!
do they get internet in prison? maybe you can confirm this when you get in!

just go round and fucking shout the house down - THIS IS YOUR CAT! NOT THERES!

Im not planning on getting caught mate, Im wearing my black jacket, balck wolly hat and got a pair of the missus's balck gloves - if I get clocked then I'll drop the spade and run through the opne gate. They won't be able to prove it's me.

And if I do, then it's hardly a jail term offence is it.

 

[Red Desire]

My brother-in-law was asked by his boss if he would bury his wife's pet daschund. The b-i-l went round and was told that he was to bury the dag under its favourite rhoddendron bush and when he was finished, he could help himself to a can of beer from the garage.

When the b-i-l saw the stack of cans, he immediately got stuck into them and was soon pleasantly pissed. He then realised that the boss would be home in half an hour, so started digging furiously under said bush. Unfortunately for him, these bushes have long thick roots and he couldn't dig a hole long enough to accommodate the daschund.

So, in a fit of panic, he chopped the fucking dag in half with his spade and buried it in the half sized hole stacked one half on top of the other. The boss came home and was well pleased and gave the b-i-l a tenner.

Two days later, the boss bollocked the b-i-l for not burying the dag deep enough because after some heavy rain, it's tail was sticking out of the ground. He had to go back and re-bury it before they found out what he had done to their beloved dag.

Fuck - I hope they havent chopped Sam in half. Don't know how Im gonna explain that one away without breaking the wifes heart.

 

[Barry Shitpeas]

My brother-in-law was asked by his boss if he would bury his wife's pet daschund. The b-i-l went round and was told that he was to bury the dag under its favourite rhoddendron bush and when he was finished, he could help himself to a can of beer from the garage.

When the b-i-l saw the stack of cans, he immediately got stuck into them and was soon pleasantly pissed. He then realised that the boss would be home in half an hour, so started digging furiously under said bush. Unfortunately for him, these bushes have long thick roots and he couldn't dig a hole long enough to accommodate the daschund.

So, in a fit of panic, he chopped the fucking dag in half with his spade and buried it in the half sized hole stacked one half on top of the other. The boss came home and was well pleased and gave the b-i-l a tenner.

Two days later, the boss bollocked the b-i-l for not burying the dag deep enough because after some heavy rain, it's tail was sticking out of the ground. He had to go back and re-bury it before they found out what he had done to their beloved dag.

haahhahahahahahaha!!! thats funny as fuck

 

[NW3427]

Im not planning on getting caught mate, Im wearing my black jacket, balck wolly hat and got a pair of the missus's balck gloves - if I get clocked then I'll drop the spade and run through the opne gate. They won't be able to prove it's me.

And if I do, then it's hardly a jail term offence is it.

we'll see won't we ...

 

[Simmo 1956]

Don't bother i'll lend you a hymac, just bulldoze straight through the house and dig up the whole garden. That'll teach the cat murderers

 

[rioja]

Im not planning on getting caught mate, Im wearing my black jacket, balck wolly hat and got a pair of the missus's balck gloves - if I get clocked then I'll drop the spade and run through the opne gate. They won't be able to prove it's me.

And if I do, then it's hardly a jail term offence is it.

Red, I don't think the potential list of suspects (male...spade...secretive garden visitor....reason?) will be too long really

Also of concern are that you and your wife have the same size hands

And your laissez faire attitude to gardening tools

I'd just do it in daylight when they're in- they can kick up a fuss but they will be made to look like complete cunts who have something to hide about how and why your cat is buried in their garden

 

[Red Desire]

Red, I don't think the potential list of suspects (male...spade...secretive garden visitor....reason?) will be too long really

Also of concern are that you and your wife have the same size hands

And your laissez faire attitude to gardening tools

I'd just do it in daylight when they're in- they can kick up a fuss but they will be made to look like complete cunts who have something to hide about how and why your cat is buried in their garden

Just to answer your points my friend.

1) That's just circumstantial evidence isn't it. They will never get a confession. And like I said, Im not expecting to be caught.

2) They are those black leather things - they stretch, well im hoping they do otherwise im going to have to get some gardening gloves and paint them black

3) If it is a case of saving the spade or my own skin then the spade loses. Its only a cheap one from B&Q anyway.

The thing is they are well known in the neieghbourhood, well liked etc. and we have only been there 3 years so not many know us. I'd rather keep it underground to be honest so we can get it over iwth without much grief.

 

[billydenero1951]

Just to answer your points my friend.

1) That's just circumstantial evidence isn't it. They will never get a confession. And like I said, I'm not expecting to be caught.

2) They are those black leather things - they stretch, well i'm hoping they do otherwise it going to have to get some gardening gloves and paint them black

3) If it is a case of saving the spade or my own skin then the spade loses. Its only a cheap one from B&Q anyway.

The thing is they are well known in the neighborhood, well liked etc. and we have only been there 3 years so not many know us. I'd rather keep it underground to be honest so we can get it over with without much grief.

A coward and a racist

 

[rm84]

Have you thought about viking funeral for the cat?

 

[Red Desire]

Have you thought about viking funeral for the cat?

She fucking better not - Im not going through all this tension for her to take him to Boggart Hole Clough lake and burn him!

 

[rm84]

She fucking better not - Im not going through all this tension for her to take him to Boggart Hole Clough lake and burn him!

 

[Red Desire]

Right Im off. Not working late tonight, need a couple of glasses of wine before I get on with it.

I'll let you know how it goes later on. Cheers for the suggesstions lads.

 

[Flopsy Is a Red]

So this is how the other half live?

Like an episode of Shameless.

 

[prometheus]

Is that you JohnM20 ??

if only mate, if only.... It is reminiscent of the great man though...

So this is how the other half live?

Like an episode of Shameless.

my back garden is utter carnage for cats, its got these really high walls so when the neighbourhood cats hop in they cant escape at all.nothing funnier than seeing a cat try to run vertically up a wall trying to escape, getting about 3/4 of the way up a 20ft wall and then gravity catching up with them....

allthough there was a casualty last week, hadnt been out the back in weeks and went to stick the rubbish out and what greeted me only a cat paws up contorted in a manner not unlike this except slightly more mangy:

http://www.chinasupertrends.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/notadeadcat.jpg

 

[SRA]

He might not thank me for this but ive just received this from Red Desire

http://img151.imageshack.us/img151/7278/img00094qm3.jpg

 

[Hodge]

He might not thank me for this but ive just received this from Red Desire

http://img151.imageshack.us/img151/7278/img00094qm3.jpg

Hope he got the right dead cat this one looks a fresh kill to me

 

[Red Desire]

Right it's done - it went a lot easier than I expected. They were out and they hadnt dug too deep down.

They had wrapped him up in a blanket and put a black bin liner round him. And he seemed well preserved - the wife reckons that he could only have died a few days ago judging by the state of him. It begs a few questions as he has been missing for 3 weeks.

Ive put him in the freeze as it's too late now for the burial. That will have to be done tomorrow now after the match.

 

[Hodge]

If this gets on RAWK they can arrange 2 minutes silence at the said time

 

[chunky]

Right it's done - it went a lot easier than I expected. They were out and they hadnt dug too deep down.

They had wrapped him up in a blanket and put a black bin liner round him. And he seemed well preserved - the wife reckons that he could only have died a few days ago judging by the state of him. It begs a few questions as he has been missing for 3 weeks.

Ive put him in the freeze as it's too late now for the burial. That will have to be done tomorrow now after the match.

What did thay do pickle it?

You've put the cat in the freezer, if it's been have a long cat nap and wakes up in the night it'll fucking freeze to death.

Make sure you don't have powercut in the night, or someone knocks the freezer off by mistake, you may get a strange smell if it happens.

 

[Red Desire]

The thing is Chunks - the wife thinks there are dark deeds going on, she is convinced that Sam has been dead a matter of days rather than weeks otherwise he would be a lot more decomposed.

She was banging on earlier today about an autopsy and I thought she had gone off the idea but it's back on the agenda now.

So it may seem that the re-burial may have to be put off while we take him to the vets tomorrow - we have an ice box, I used it for camping, so we can take him in that.

 

[chunky]

The thing is Chunks - the wife thinks there are dark deeds going on, she is convinced that Sam has been dead a matter of days rather than weeks otherwise he would be a lot more decomposed.

She was banging on earlier today about an autopsy and I thought she had gone off the idea but it's back on the agenda now.

So it may seem that the re-burial may have to be put off while we take him to the vets tomorrow - we have an ice box, I used it for camping, so we can take him in that.

When you say dark deeds, do you mean witchcraft?

 

[rm84]

Looks like case for Ace Ventura Pet Detective!

 

[Los Diablos Rojos]

Right it's done - it went a lot easier than I expected. They were out and they hadnt dug too deep down.

They had wrapped him up in a blanket and put a black bin liner round him. And he seemed well preserved - the wife reckons that he could only have died a few days ago judging by the state of him. It begs a few questions as he has been missing for 3 weeks.

Ive put him in the freeze as it's too late now for the burial. That will have to be done tomorrow now after the match.

If you've done yourself any injuries you'll be able to use the poor little thing as an ice pack later. At least his last act will have been an act of kindness.

 

[mufc77]

fucking brilliant thread.

get the forensic detectives in from discovery.

 

[Keyser Scholze]

Dan Petrescu is your man!

 

[I fist scousers for fun]

He might not thank me for this but ive just received this from Red Desire

http://img151.imageshack.us/img151/7278/img00094qm3.jpg

Fucking hell

 

[Mack]

I've not read the whole thread, I never can be arsed, but....

....its just a fucking cat!

However, tell the missus you have done it and create a pretend plot in the back garden. Whats she gonna do, dig up the area so you have to prove it to her?

 

[Keyser Scholze]

I've not read the whole thread, I never can be arsed, but....

....its just a fucking cat!

However, tell the missus you have done it and create a pretend plot in the back garden. Whats she gonna do, dig up the area so you have to prove it to her?

read the whole thread mack, some of the comments are comedy gold!

 

[Mack]

read the whole thread mack, some of the comments are comedy gold!

its been a while, but i'll give it a go

 

[Keyser Scholze]

its been a while, but i'll give it a go

this is my favourite



On a slightly related topic My brother-in-law was asked by his boss if he would bury his wife's pet daschund. The b-i-l went round and was told that he was to bury the dag under its favourite rhoddendron bush and when he was finished, he could help himself to a can of beer from the garage.

When the b-i-l saw the stack of cans, he immediately got stuck into them and was soon pleasantly pissed. He then realised that the boss would be home in half an hour, so started digging furiously under said bush. Unfortunately for him, these bushes have long thick roots and he couldn't dig a hole long enough to accommodate the daschund.

So, in a fit of panic, he chopped the fucking dag in half with his spade and buried it in the half sized hole stacked one half on top of the other. The boss came home and was well pleased and gave the b-i-l a tenner.

Two days later, the boss bollocked the b-i-l for not burying the dag deep enough because after some heavy rain, it's tail was sticking out of the ground. He had to go back and re-bury it before they found out what he had done to their beloved dag.


true or not, it's good!

 

[Craptin. Pants]

Right it's done - it went a lot easier than I expected. They were out and they hadnt dug too deep down.

They had wrapped him up in a blanket and put a black bin liner round him. And he seemed well preserved - the wife reckons that he could only have died a few days ago judging by the state of him. It begs a few questions as he has been missing for 3 weeks.

Ive put him in the freeze as it's too late now for the burial. That will have to be done tomorrow now after the match.

That made me laugh more than it should.

 

[Mack]

Right, after being persuaded to read the thread its quite obvious you do the following.

Kidnap all of the neighbours cats, everynow and again sending over photos of the cats in guantanamo style situations. Even put little orange jump suits on them.

For everyday the next door neighbour refuses to hand over your cat, you cut off a paw and mail it to them.

If the police turn up, just tell them the truth, your psychotic wife wanted you to dig up a dead cat from the next door neighbours garden so it could rest in its correct resting place, so in turn you kidnapped their cats and tortured them one by one until the neighbour gave in.
Just give a hearty giggle at the end and the cops will join in as there is no way on earth anyone would believe the trouble you're going to for a fucking cat!!!!!

 

[ralphie88]

read the whole thread mack, some of the comments are comedy gold!

It's a classic. And I was completely had by it till post #25.

Hook, line, sinker and copy of Cats World Weekly.

 

[Keyser Scholze]

It's a classic. And I was completely had by it till post #25.

Hook, line, sinker and copy of Cats World Weekly.

#22 didn't set the alarm bells ringing?

The autopsy isn't a given just yet - im trying to talk her out of that.

either way, it's good, good rep to the op

 

[ralphie88]

#22 didn't set the alarm bells ringing?

The autopsy isn't a given just yet - im trying to talk her out of that.

either way, it's good, good rep to the op

At that point I was assuming he was being ironic.

Rep was given when I realised I'd been had.