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CLASSIC: Have to dig up a dead cat's grave tonight.

Morning.

Got up a couple of hours ago to try and avoid my little lad from having the fright of his life when he opens the fridge/freezer and sees Sam staring at him from one of the freezer draws.

So I have another look, and obviously my judgemnet is much better this morning wth no tension or adrenaline running through me because I've realised Ive dug up the wrong fucking cat!!

I should have known, it was barely decomposed, didnt really smell and Sam had a crooked tail and a birthmark on his lip and this cat has nothing like cat. Ive pleaded with my wife to get it in her head that it is Sam but she is insisting that I place it back where I found it and dig up Sam.

This is giving me nothing but a migraine but I have to do it, so tonight I have to get back over there (into the garden of weird cat killers) rebury this unknown cat, dig up Sam and get out again.

Cheers for the suggestions Mack, but I just want it over with now and I have no fear or nerves. Ive done it before, I can do it again.

See ya later guys.
 
Red Desire said:
Morning.

Got up a couple of hours ago to try and avoid my little lad from having the fright of his life when he opens the fridge/freezer and sees Sam staring at him from one of the freezer draws.

So I have another look, and obviously my judgemnet is much better this morning wth no tension or adrenaline running through me because I've realised Ive dug up the wrong fucking cat!!

I should have known, it was barely decomposed, didnt really smell and Sam had a crooked tail and a birthmark on his lip and this cat has nothing like cat. Ive pleaded with my wife to get it in her head that it is Sam but she is insisting that I place it back where I found it and dig up Sam.

This is giving me nothing but a migraine but I have to do it, so tonight I have to get back over there (into the garden of weird cat killers) rebury this unknown cat, dig up Sam and get out again.

Cheers for the suggestions Mack, but I just want it over with now and I have no fear or nerves. Ive done it before, I can do it again.

See ya later guys.
Click to expand...

This is an opportunity!

Bury the little bastard and hold him hostage pending the release of Sam.

Free the Moston 1!
 
I'm shocked and appalled that no one has demanded a link of RDs missus.

I'd have thought that everyone would be curious to see what a clinically insane , potential bestial necrophiliac looked like.

I know I am.
 
Keyzer Scholze - it was true

On a slightly related topic My brother-in-law was asked by his boss if he would bury his wife's pet daschund. The b-i-l went round and was told that he was to bury the dag under its favourite rhoddendron bush and when he was finished, he could help himself to a can of beer from the garage.

When the b-i-l saw the stack of cans, he immediately got stuck into them and was soon pleasantly pissed. He then realised that the boss would be home in half an hour, so started digging furiously under said bush. Unfortunately for him, these bushes have long thick roots and he couldn't dig a hole long enough to accommodate the daschund.

So, in a fit of panic, he chopped the fucking dag in half with his spade and buried it in the half sized hole stacked one half on top of the other. The boss came home and was well pleased and gave the b-i-l a tenner.

Two days later, the boss bollocked the b-i-l for not burying the dag deep enough because after some heavy rain, it's tail was sticking out of the ground. He had to go back and re-bury it before they found out what he had done to their beloved dag.

Also I forgot my borother in law's classic punch line when the boss was going ballistic with him because the dag's tail was sticking up out of the ground.

"I bet it's not fucking wagging"
 
Ok - I tried last night to place the fake Sam back in the ground in the neighbours garden, I decided to leave it until 11'ish, that was my first mistake because it was a nice night there was a bit of activity around the surrounding gardens so I had to get into proper stealth mode.

We left the cat in the ice box in the garage, so when I got it out, ready for the switch it was frozen solid and fortunately it's tail had stiffened so much that i could carry it like you would a hammer.

My wife was urging me on to just get it fucking done, so I re-tracked my route from the previous night and found myself hiding behind a 30 foot conifer in the cat ladys garden. Things were looking up as the commotion and voices from around the neighbourhood had ceased and all was quiet. Perfect. I started to confidently walk over to the open grave, it was going well, and I had only covered the grave with a dusting of soil so I didnt need to dig.

I was shitting myself as it was going too well and I saw where Sam was buried and tiptoed over, spade in hand, ready to get him dug up and out of there - I had brought a gym bag as I didnt fancy his decomposed body falling to bits as I ran away.

The cat lady and her insomniac husband had been thoughtful and placed a couple of gnomes over Sams grave, I thought, "that's nice, giving Sam a couple fo guardians to watch over him, so I lifted one up to move and FUCK ME - it's eyes lit up, it's head swivelled round and started singing "And he painted matchstalk men and matchstalk cats and dags.....",

I almost had heart attack, jumped out of my fucking skin. It seemed so loud but looking back it was because everywhere else was quiet - but I was fucking certain the whole neighbourhood would hear it. The dag next door did and he started howling and barking.

I bid a hasty retreat, fast as my little legs would carry me and collapsed in our garden hearing the Lowry song off in the distance. My wife ran out and opened the gym bag and didnt see Sam, she was so upset I promised to get him tonight. I peeped over the fence and could make out the lights on the neighbour's shed turning on and off and lots of banging coming from inside.

How am I going to get rid of the singing gnomes? I'm starting to get the shakes thinking about it.
 
:D I dont even know what to say :D

Take your shovel and twat fuck out of the gnomes, hitting it on the top of the head so it stops singing. If all fails, go armed with some pissy mustard gas that Bollocks used in his times of trouble ;)
 
MUFC_sam said:
Take your shovel and twat fuck out of the neighbours, hitting it on the top of the head so it stops singing. If all fails, go armed with some pissy mustard gas that Bollocks used in his times of trouble ;)
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:eek::D
 
how did i miss this gem of a thread!!

top stuff this is. GR
 
I'm going for Sam tonight - it was too cold last night and the wife was too busy watching the X Factor to mither me about it.

I just hope that the rain we have had today hasn't made the fake Sam rise to to the top - I don't think I dug him down far enough.
 
Red Desire said:
I just hope that the rain we have had today hasn't made the fake Sam rise to to the top - I don't think I dug him down far enough.
Click to expand...

This could be a problem Red: the main reason cats hate water is because it makes them swell in size to massive levels, so he could easily break the surface

Most animals would be quite happy to grow so much what with the law of the jungle, but there is no other animal in the natural world that is dependent on being able to negotiate a cat flap for food. This is why cats love staying dry.
 
So, Red Desire, how did this end?

Did you get your cat back?

Were your neighbours really cat murderers?
 
how did it end then?

dont leave us fucking hanging like this RD!!
 
I found one of our 3 cats, Oscar, with paralysed back legs yesterday probably as the result of being hit by a car, we took him to the vets who decided nothing could be done for him so he was put to sleep. We brought him home for burial in the garden, my missus (no) hugged him for about an hour before deciding whereabouts he should be buried, I dug the hole and placed him in it and duly covered him up.
As I was on nightshift I went back to bed to try and get my sleep, later that afternoon my missus (again no) woke me up and said she`d gone out to dig Oscar up for another cuddle but one of our remaining cats was sat on the grave so she decided against it.
 
As a reasonably recent recruit to the forum I had only read about this thread and seen it mentioned on Wardy's key ring i'm just recovering from a stitch from reading it,absolutely fucking hilarious
 
Had to have my 18yo Norweigian Forrest cat put down about 2 months ago, we visited a Cats Protection League Fosterer and decided to get a 1yo Mother with 6 kittens, 2 Males, Black with a bit of White and White with a bit of Black, all the rest where Female Tortoise Shells.
We decided on the Black with white bits to take with the Mother, the kittens are only 3 weeks old so we have to wait another month or so till the kittens are weaned.
Had a call earlier of the Fosterer, Domino the kitten we had chosen passesd away this afternoon, he was the runt of the litter and was always getting bullied of the teat, he hadn't fed at all today and refused a bottle feed, then died this afternoon.
The Fosterer is burying him in the garden so this thread popped into my head, should I leave it a few days then ask her to exhume him so I can bury him in my garden ?
We now need to chose one of the other kittens.

Link to dead cat.
http://i293.photobucket.com/albums/mm50/stratabacca/image.jpeg
Link to dead cat and Mother.
http://i293.photobucket.com/albums/mm50/stratabacca/image_1.jpeg
 
Hodge said:
I found one of our 3 cats, Oscar, with paralysed back legs yesterday probably as the result of being hit by a car, we took him to the vets who decided nothing could be done for him so he was put to sleep. We brought him home for burial in the garden, my missus (no) hugged him for about an hour before deciding whereabouts he should be buried, I dug the hole and placed him in it and duly covered him up.
As I was on nightshift I went back to bed to try and get my sleep, later that afternoon my missus (again no) woke me up and said she`d gone out to dig Oscar up for another cuddle but one of our remaining cats was sat on the grave so she decided against it.
Click to expand...

Holy Shit :D:D:D
 
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