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CLASSIC: Stories from lads holidays.

  • Thread starter I am The Resurrection
  • Start date
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Red D said:
Benidorm, me and my mate both about 17 at the time.

We had a flight about 2am and were kicked out of the hotel about 11am as usual and left to hang around all day and night bored shitless waiting for the coach to the airport.

about 10pm we were sat by the pool having a beer, nobody else there when these bottles start flying down at us from the new (scouse) arrivals balcony a few floors above, for the next half an hour or so they're causing havoc and generally acting like scouse cunts do abroad.

Later on my mate goes for a piss in the pool changing rooms and comes back out dressed in all this new gear, which one of the daft scouse cunts had left in his case in the changing room. All their lovely new holiday clothes.

The decent stuff I took pictures of my mate in and he kept, leaving them with only the film from their camera as a reminder. In fact, the camera went in the pool, along with scouse passport, clothes duds etc, the other half of the stuff got ripped to bits.

It was proper scouse clobber as well!!

Out scoused the scousers
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not a top rd as you didnt set the cases on fire

nft.
 
FredElliotsNipples said:
not a top rd as you didnt set the cases on fire

nft.
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a good point, however there is another similar story. Me and the same mate were in Bulgaria a little over 2 years ago, just passing through.

Anyway we went out for a meal one night and the waiter tried overcharging us, saying we'd had chips when we hadn't.

So anyway we refused to pay and ran off.

The waiter then comes after us and we stove his head in with a paving slab.

Next thing with all the commotion, we wake these scousers up who scream "come ed soft lads, we're asleep".

We managed to get away, but think the dippers got fingered for it.

good times
 
Red D said:
a good point, however there is another similar story. Me and the same mate were in Bulgaria a little over 2 years ago, just passing through.

Anyway we went out for a meal one night and the waiter tried overcharging us, saying we'd had chips when we hadn't.

So anyway we refused to pay and ran off.

The waiter then comes after us and we stove his head in with a paving slab.

Next thing with all the commotion, we wake these scousers up who scream "come ed soft lads, we're asleep".

We managed to get away, but think the dippers got fingered for it.

good times
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Be careful pal,there will be scousers lurking.They may use this as new evidence to bring their Michael back
 
Don't

mufc ok said:
Be careful pal,there will be scousers lurking.They may use this as new evidence to bring their Michael back
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talk daft they haev a better chance bringing Emilyn Hughes back.:rolleyes:
 
went to napa 3 years ago about 12 of us in total and was sharing a room with mate mate who thinks he is a bit of a laddies man goes to the gym and only wears vests to show off. anyway we all went out one night and and by the end of the night there is about 4 of us left went back to the hotel was listenin to mates storys of what they had been up to and who shagged who etc. then my mate told us that he met two birds went for some drinks shagged one and came home we all thought fair enough well done lad, then i found in our room his clothes, that night he was wearing a pair of white 3 1/4 length's but unfortunaly for him he went comando there was this one big stain right donw the middle and had obvious dribble down one leg so i got my mate the loudest one out the lot of us who immediatly picked them up and ran round the hotel screaming that "derby has shitty pants" showing everone he ran past in histerics. turns out there was no birds he shit him self in the first bar then it took him 40mins to walk the 10 min walk back to the hotel hiding every time people walked past him never let him live it down
 
My friend and i went to rimini last year and got really drunk on lager. I lost him on the way back to the camp site and awoke the following day to find him not in the tent. The all of a sudden the zip opened and there he was. He had fallen asleep under a bush:D all night. We still laugh now:D
 
funny that

Tim said:
My friend and i went to rimini last year and got really drunk on lager. I lost him on the way back to the camp site and awoke the following day to find him not in the tent. The all of a sudden the zip opened and there he was. He had fallen asleep under a bush:D all night. We still laugh now:D
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I went camping once went for a pee then got back in the wrong tent. Family with two kids staring at me:D
 
Rhubarb said:
went to napa 3 years ago about 12 of us in total and was sharing a room with mate mate who thinks he is a bit of a laddies man goes to the gym and only wears vests to show off. anyway we all went out one night and and by the end of the night there is about 4 of us left went back to the hotel was listenin to mates storys of what they had been up to and who shagged who etc. then my mate told us that he met two birds went for some drinks shagged one and came home we all thought fair enough well done lad, then i found in our room his clothes, that night he was wearing a pair of white 3 1/4 length's but unfortunaly for him he went comando there was this one big stain right donw the middle and had obvious dribble down one leg so i got my mate the loudest one out the lot of us who immediatly picked them up and ran round the hotel screaming that "derby has shitty pants" showing everone he ran past in histerics. turns out there was no birds he shit him self in the first bar then it took him 40mins to walk the 10 min walk back to the hotel hiding every time people walked past him never let him live it down
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That story might be funny with punctuation.
 
Let's get this back where it belongs :)
 
Jason Todd said:
few years back we was was in some birds apartments when we noticed that they'd filled in the names and addresses on their postcards but not the spiel about the holiday. We thought it would be a good idea to save them the hassle by 'borrowing' the postcards before putting down the details ourselves, hence messages like 'Hi Nan had 8 fucks this week and got done up the arse by the biggest cock i've ever seen' :D
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:D
 
Rhubarb said:
went to napa 3 years ago about 12 of us in total and was sharing a room with mate mate who thinks he is a bit of a laddies man goes to the gym and only wears vests to show off. anyway we all went out one night and and by the end of the night there is about 4 of us left went back to the hotel was listenin to mates storys of what they had been up to and who shagged who etc. then my mate told us that he met two birds went for some drinks shagged one and came home we all thought fair enough well done lad, then i found in our room his clothes, that night he was wearing a pair of white 3 1/4 length's but unfortunaly for him he went comando there was this one big stain right donw the middle and had obvious dribble down one leg so i got my mate the loudest one out the lot of us who immediatly picked them up and ran round the hotel screaming that "derby has shitty pants" showing everone he ran past in histerics. turns out there was no birds he shit him self in the first bar then it took him 40mins to walk the 10 min walk back to the hotel hiding every time people walked past him never let him live it down
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that was the best bit
 
Top thread.:D :D
 
Left Jab said:
Two years back, we decided, fuck europe, lets have the next do on home soil, it had been 15 years since i had set foot in Blackpool, so off we set, 52 mixed domination of football fans. Anyhow, arriving in Cold Vegas, we threw our bags into the recently woodchipped rooms and hit the strip, first port of call, the Globe, a swift one then into the Tower Lounge, we took over a large corner near the dance floor as you do on a friday lunch time! anyhow, we are in one big round when I realise that after 2 hours Im not getting in the swing as quickly as all the others, I nip to the bar for a double Vodka, this bird from Barnsley says "hello, where you from etc," she had a deep gravel voice, a bit like that old bint that used to be on Corrie? However, a minger in laymen's terms, we agreed to have a dance later (as if) anyhow, I thought no more about it and made my way back to my well on the way drunken mates.

Eight ish we ended up in the flag ship pub, plenty of drunken minge to be found, a good time was being had by all apart from my room mate who had fucked off back to the room in a drunken stuper. cant remember the time but all of a sudden I gets this Vice like grip on my arse, on turning round I found it to be old gravel voice from the afternoon, by now she was looking like Kylie, (blame the stellla) anyhow, we had a dance or two trying to squeeze juice out of each others arse. I asked old gravel voice if she had a room on her own, no, she says, her sister is in her room, "what about you" she says in her sexy Arthur Mullard voice," are you sharing?" I am but he's in a coma" I says.

After a few more drinks and dancing, me and Arthur made it back to the digs, we creeped into the room, she stripped off and laid on my bed face down, I kept whispering in her ear, "keep your voice down, we dont want to wake my mate". all the time I had been stroking her back she was mumbling away in her deep gravel voice, this would have been a big turn off had I not been pissed, anyhow, I was running my tongue up and down her spine when she says out loud, "roll me over and lick my cunt" with this, a cry from the other side of the pitch black room go's" Thank fuck for that, for a minute, I thought you'd brought a fella back! I screamed with laughter, the bird switched the lamp on to see us both pissing ourselves, she grabbed her kit and fucked off calling us all sorts!!! anyhow, a fuck went out of the window but we still have a good laugh about it!
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:D I've almost choked on my muffin reading this.:D
 
Rugby tour Amsterdam 1980's

A lad on the trip - wanst playing, but a big Utd fan - now sadly deceased - got bladdered first night, came back to the hotel/b&b we were in. Key wouldnt fit the door, assumed we were winding him up, so he kicked the door down - wrong hotel - o dear!!!!!

later on same trip, same lad -emptied their room of every stick of furniture - bed, wardrobe, dressing table & even the carpet - should have see the faces:D happy days

another trip this time to Galway - one of the older lads kept on doing an Elvis impression - another lad got pissed off with him, & wooshed him with a pint of Guiness - we were all then winding up the woosher coz we all - him included - knew that a pint would be coming his way at some point in the evening - so he decided to get it over with, & stripped down to his boxers in the bar, folding all his clothes neatly on a bar stool - fronted up to the lad, who picked up a full pint & went as if to chuck it at him but at the last min turned & emptied the pint on his clothes !! uproar - another pint was then passed over & he wooshed the lad as well:D
 
Ardon said:
A lad on the trip - wanst playing, but a big Utd fan - now sadly deceased - got bladdered first night, came back to the hotel/b&b we were in. Key wouldnt fit the door, assumed we were winding him up, so he kicked the door down - wrong hotel - o dear!!!!!

later on same trip, same lad -emptied their room of every stick of furniture - bed, wardrobe, dressing table & even the carpet - should have see the faces:D happy days

another trip this time to Galway - one of the older lads kept on doing an Elvis impression - another lad got pissed off with him, & wooshed him with a pint of Guiness - we were all then winding up the woosher coz we all - him included - knew that a pint would be coming his way at some point in the evening - so he decided to get it over with, & stripped down to his boxers in the bar, folding all his clothes neatly on a bar stool - fronted up to the lad, who picked up a full pint & went as if to chuck it at him but at the last min turned & emptied the pint on his clothes !! uproar - another pint was then passed over & he wooshed the lad as well:D
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Fucking Woosh ?

Homo
 
GlosRed said:
My mate Mark and I were getting drunk at a bar in the hotel we were staying at. About a dozen large women walked in and started moving tables and chairs around a small dance floor for karaoke. As the ladies took turns doing karaoke, Mark and I lost a bet to a couple ya hoo's we were bullshitting with at the bar. The losers had to sing a song chosen by the winners. Mark chickened out and wouldn't do it, when one of the large gals pulls me off my bar stool and says, "I'll sing with you". So we get up to the karaoke machine and proceed to sing some rap song called "I like big butts" which seemed to fit the situation I was in. I was so drunk I couldn't keep up so I started taking off my clothes while my new singing partner belted out the tunes. I did the full monty and the women went nuts. I would go to each table and the women would take turns pinching and smacking my ass. When the song ended I looked around and the place was packed. Mark was bent over laughing his ass off and I realized what I just did. I just wanted to get out of there so I quickly put my clothes on, slammed the rest of my drink, grabbed mark and went to his room just a few doors down from the bar. I had my ex with me but she was in our room the whole time. So Mark's taking a piss when the largest of all the women at karaoke walks in to the room, she's about 6' tall and 300 lbs. Scared the hell out of me. So being the nice guy I am I offer her a beer. She sits on the edge of the bed with her beer and Mark comes out of the can and I go in to piss. The next thing I hear is the ex yelling where the hell I am. She kicks the bathroom door in knocking me into tub while I'm still pissing. Calls me an asshole for staying out so late while I'm on my back in the tub pissing all over myself. Walks by Mark tells him to fuck himself and leaves. Now for the best part. I get up, clean myself off thinking I got a world of ass kissing to do. I come out of the bathroom to find Mark laying on the bed sucking face with our 300 lb guest. I sit on the bed beside them laughing. Mark's not a big guy, about 5' 7" and 150 lbs soaking wet. He's all over her and starts taking her clothes off. Gets her top off and asks me to take her pants off. I'm laughing so hard I hit the floor. So being the nice guy I am I get up and start pulling her pants off while Mark gets undressed. He's already sporting a boner and climbs on top to mount her. She has her knee's at the end of the bed and feet on the floor. Mark trying to do the business but can't get any traction on the rug because he's got his socks on. So being the nice guy that I am I stand behind him so he can push against my feet. Then he asks me to hold her legs up, I've helped him this far so I say what the hell. I'm still laughing my ass off until the door opens and the ex walks in with Mark screwing a football and me holding her legs in the air!
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HA HA HA HA HA HA funny as fuck, mental image is makin me cry with laughter fukin belter
:D :eek:
 
btt not seen it for a while :cool: , just been pissing my self at some of these
 
simpatico said:
My mate went to Kos with his bird and another couple. About two nights into the holiday they went out, drinks were flowing, suffice to say they got in a mess.
Arriving back the two lads go out on the balcony for a game of cards, it's a bit dark so they get the candles out for a bit of extra light.
My mate goes and gets a bottle of Aftershock and the pair of them sit there drinking shots and playing brag.
Both end up so wrecked they fall asleep at the table but as my mate begins to loll he inadvertently knocks over a glass of Aftershock on to the candle and it goes up like Piper Alpha, setting his face on fire.
The other lad wakes up to find my pal literally ablaze and dragged him into the shower to douse out the flames.
He was due to stay for a fortnight but his face was burnt so badly he came home after three days looking like Simon Weston.
Thankfully his face healed fine and he thought he had no scars - until he stood under a ultraviolet light in Venus about a year later and his nose chin and cheeks were covered in white patches.
He had a face like a plasterer's radio! :eek: :D :D
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Just read this again..............fuck me thats funny :D

Some crackers on here
 
classic thread! Almost as good as my "best slapper stories" on the old forum!
 
Was on the beach in Santa Ponsa(near magaluf) back in August at about 6 am witha group of girls from Essex.
Was working the magic with this girl on a sunbed when three foreign blokes came over foaming at the mouth. One taps me on the shoulder as my hand was up this girls dress and starts asking "you got any sniff?". I replied "nah, not a clue mate". I was eager enough to get rid of him so I could resume my activites but he kept on asking all these random questions while foam was pouring out of his mouth. Then he started getting a bit 'friendly' introducing himself as Mario.
Next thing one of his pals were a bit further down the beach and started screaming at him as another on of my mates (there was 29 of us on the holiday) had offended him or something.
This 'mario' character runs off anyway towards this other foreign bloke. Back of his t-shirt had a logo saying Italian Gigolo for hire and a phone number. Moment with the girl was gone though so I just fucked off home.
It was more surreal than funny though. The night after one of the lads with us got his drink spiked and collapsed, with Italians in the same bar.
 
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CharlieB said:
Our kid used to splash down a lot.

Not all the time, but whenever he got proper leathered, he'd swamp his bed. Every now and again he'd do a midnight fireman as well, wandering round the house, putting out fires in wardrobes, with half a pint of piss. If I had a pound for every time i've pulled out a top, to find the bottom third stinking of stale Fosters, i'd have about six quid now.
He was in the marines and he trapped on holiday. It was a real coup for him. It was the first bird he'd nailed that didn't look like Jocky Wilson in a wig and he was fair taken with her.
They went out all week, and he spent the whole time getting moderately pissed and shagging the arse of it every night.
On the last night they had a bit more to drink than normal, and he got all worried that he was going to splash. He'd got all sweet on her and wanted to stay in touch after and all that. After they'd shagged and she went to sleep, he put his plan into action. His mate had told him, that he used to just jam a jonny on the end. If he lagged, he could just keep hold of it and carry it to the bog. It sounded a bit suss, but he was scared stiff of giving her chapped legs, so gave it a crack.

He woke up about three hours later. His mate's plan only catered for the type of swamping, where you start having a slash and then wake up before you do too much damage. Our kid had pumped the fucker up with about three bladders full. He said that when he pulled the duvet back and checked it out, it looked like he was getting a nosh off a seal cub.

He made a comedy attempt to pick the fucker up and get to the bathroom. He held the top end on to his knob with one hand and tried to get his hand underneath the big bit. She had her back to him and as soon as he lifted it, it split and washed all over her arse. She woke up, called him all sorts of cunt, rubbed some Lipsyl on her arse cheeks then got dressed and left him to it.

It was back to the Jocky Wilson lookalikes after that. He said that they quite liked getting pissed on.
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class line
 
went to wakefield with a few lads some years ago, he was a real deviant twat and would fuck anything. so we are in this club, its 2am and he comes oversaying he has pulled, but she wont come back to our hotel without her mate, and would i take one for the team! i know i am being set up and that shes probably a pig, but he's having none of it. so we all go back to the hotel and are in the bar, he is sucking this girls face off, and i am sat next to her mate, she has braces, a bit of acne, but at least she's not fat:eek:

anyway, somehow we all go up to the room, my mate and his girl are soon at it like a couple on honeymoon, and this girl is in my bed strokin my cock like its a one arm bandit, so fuck it i think i procede to knock the back out of her with my diamond cutter. i look over and see my mate grinning like a fuckin mong whilst he does his girl from behind. we all fall asleep and wake up groggy the next morning.

he says to me, "fuck lets go, these 2 want a lift back to leeds, i took a viagra last night and she has bled all over the sheets" i called him a cunt and we go down to reception to check out. the twat at the desk says this is fine, but just needs to check the room first. he sends someone up, and we wait for what seems like an eternity, with the 2 girls hanging around. the guy atthe desk then calls us over, says therehas been an issue with the room, one of the beds is covered blood and the other is soaking wet (no i didn't piss the bed) the tart i was with spilt her blue WKD everywhere. my mate had checked in under a false name so couldn't use his card, the hotel wanted £50 for the laundry bill, so i had to walk to the cash point to get the money, we paid and fucked off, giving the 2 girls the slip. When we got home, my cunt of a mate told everyone i had begged HIM to take one for the team, that i had popped her cherry, and then pissed all over her hence the wet bed. I was shitting it for weeks thinking this girl was gonna cry rape, or turn up pregnant or something. never been to wakefield since:D
 
You went to Wakefield on holiday's?:eek:
 
In Vilamoura last March with a few mates my age and a fair amount of 40+year old blokes from the local near my parents house. One bloke there who has a wife (no link) and a few kiddies. He comes to the bar in the afternoon limping - now we know he spent the night with brass (as he did the whole week in 2007 bar one where they took his money in the club and legged it :D ) so the question was why was he limping? The brass had KY Jellied up a can of Lynx while he was going at her and shoved it straight up his arse :D
 
my first lads holiday is July this year in Zante!

I turn 18 over there :eek: :D
 
Some funny stories in this thread.

Best I can come up with is either getting spiked in a bar in Ibiza and getting mugged on a beach and having no idea it was happening/had happened.

Or

In Malia, had some pre drinks and went out as usual, been drinking for a few days on the trot, obviously. Got into that headfucker bar and started gobbling down the fishbowls. Some girls came over to our table so we were givin' it all that. Well, I say 'we', but in fact I wasn't involved at all, I was fuckin' wrecked. Ended up being sick in a swimming pool that was just right in the middle of the bar, then carried out and just dumped in the street. All I can remember then, is that a group of Scottish lads picked me up, dumped me in a taxi, and I woke up on my mates' room floor. No idea what happened between the lads picking me up and waking up in the morning :eek:
 
One time I fell asleep on some stairs in Ayia Napa.

It was bloody mental.
 
Magaluf couple of years ago - me and my mate had managed to end up with some cash left over on the last night, went down to the brothel half way up the strip but it was just closing. We were adamant we were going in and in the end got chased out with bats and various other weapons by the heavies in there. Not disheartened and still completely bladdered, we went for a quick all you can eat chinese buffet that was still open strangely, it was now light and about 6am. As we sat down for our crispy friend mice and whatever else was in this horror show of a buffet and a couple of those african street prossies waltzed past. It was one of those classic moments when you just look at eachother say nothing but know exactly what your gonna do. We approached these ropey braided hair beasts and proceeded to go up to their 'spot' on the side of the hill up the strip, which was absolutely covered in crusty old used jonnys. Not disheartened again, we start getting a blow off each of our captures and then for another 10 euroes move into axe wound entry. There is just a small bush seperating us and were pissing ourselves as we shag these aids ridden mules. My mate is trying to desperatly to stick it up her shitter and shes going mental. In the end he starts literally throwing 10 euro notes at her whilst trying to force his way into her balloon knot. What happened next i didnt know whether to laugh or cry at. Shes not putting out for cock and bum fun so he picked her up and literally launched her through the air into a bush about 2-3 yards away. Completely stuck in this bush and unable to move, my one quickly dives on all his money laid out on the floor, runs off and leaves this bird completely stuck in the bush going mental.

I think she might still be there, going back this year so will see

a couple of years before we were in Prague and one of my mates ended up in a weird hospital type thing after a night out, tied naked to a hospital bed when we got there (nobody knew the night before where he had gone and we put 2 and 2 together in the morning and went round athe 5/6 hospitals in and around prague) with a bag of belongings containing wallet, room key and a massive spoon:eek:
 
Couple spring to mind.

Few years back 5 of us went to Budapest for the Szigets festival. We hired an apartment and arranged with the guy who owed it (guy living in Dublin) have his man in Budapest pick us up from the airport.
Anyway the apartment is residental full of locals. The door had a a yale and mortise lock but the guy told us not to use the mortise lock as it didnt work properly. Anyway we head out on the 1st night and get wasted end up in a club called Rio and one of my mates literal can't stand up he falling all over so I get a taxi with him and the other 3 lads stay out.
Managed to open the door but was trying for an hour to lock the cunt but just couldn't get my key in the door so think fuck it and put the mortise lock on. Wake up in the morning and see my other mates are not back being 9ish I'm quite worried. Look at my phone I've got 60 missed calls for their various numbers. Open the apartment door to see my 3 mates asleep on the steps. Turns out they been banging on the door all night, woke everyone up in the apartment bloke by knocking on various doors and smashed a shit loads of tiles off the walls and threathen to Stab somebody who complained about the noise. I should point out that this was on a Monday night. We get a knock on the apartment and its the doctor who lives facing us. he shouts what is this (points at all the broken tiles) me trying to keep a straight face "don't know mate heard some people come back last night the bastards woke me up" he threathen us with the police. Shit it for the rest of the holiday.


Another me and a mate went Mali a few years back. We went out quite early for a bit a of bar crawl where we was staying about 10mins from the main strip in Mali. End up in this bar where the bar main is defo a tranny and she coming onto my mate supplying us with home made raqi(sp) I honestly dont remember getting back to our apartment. Wake up and go into my mates room see if he was ok and it smelt a bit funny. Didnt click at 1st but walked back in hehad shit the bed. The cleaner came in 5 minutes later and i'll never forget the look of digust of her face, priceless
 
idloveit said:
m8 its guna b wild

da world cup final is gna b on wen we r der.

ENGLAND ENGALN ENLANNNNNND!!!

come on da boys
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Hope that's all ironic, if not, one can only hope that you don't make it home
 
My stag do at the weekend in Krakow. There were loads of stories to tell but one particular one was this;
We all got talking to these young Polish birds who were all quite fit. Anyway, my mate managed to convince one to go back to the apartment with him. At the end of the night we all went back to the room (10 of us shared) and my mate and this bird were fast asleep after obviously going at it. We were all doing childish things like teabagging her etc while she was asleep when she suddenly let out the biggest wettest fart you've ever heard. It was that loud it woke my mate up. Suffice to say he woke her up and fucked
her off. She's now texting him wanting to come to Manchester!
 
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